GONE FISHIN' 12 May 2012 4:46 PM (12 years ago)

Gentle Reader,

After much thought, I have decided that it's time to shut down Billy Loves Stu for a bit.

It might be for a week, it might be forever, I can't say.

Lately, this all just seems like an exercise in futility ; there are a few bazillion other horror blogs out there, and I fear that BLS has just become an anonymous face in the crowd.

In any case, I am grateful for the friendships I have made due to this endeavor, and I especially want to thank those of you who read and commented on my blog over the past years - I really appreciated it.

For now, I am going to walk away and take a break. I might come back, I might not, who knows.

Be Well,

Pax Romano

Hear Her Roar: THE WOMAN 28 Apr 2012 4:45 PM (12 years ago)

Director, Lucky Mckee's The Woman (much like Kevin Smith's Red State) is a black fairytale for these troubled times. Saturated with social commentary, buried underneath a layer of dried blood and grime, The Woman is a film that tackles the myth of so called "Family Values" and knocks it on its ass.

From the very start, it's clear that something is wrong with the Cleek Family - we meet them at a suburban barbecue and witness father, Chris (Sean Bridges) sweet-talking an older woman into letting him take over the sale of her land (he can't get her much, but it will be a fair price, he assures her)...then we witness his pre-teen son, Brian(Zach Rand) standing by watching a little girl being cruelly harassed by a group of older boys. The youth turns his attention to a basketball and shoots hoops ignoring the little girl's cries for help...meanwhile, mom, Belle (Angela Bettis) appears an ineffectual creature afraid of her own shadow. There are two daughters as well in this clan, the eldest, Peggy (Lauren Ashley Carter) seems to be going through some type of internal melt down with only the youngest member of the family, Darlin' (Shyla Molhusen) seemingly well adjusted.

Be that as it may, one morning, Papa Cleek goes hunting and spies a wild woman in the woods (Pollyanna McIntosh) -who sort of resembles a grimy version of Bettie Page- and decides to bag the feral female, take her home and make her his pet. Oh sure, he claims, to his somewhat bewildered family, that he plans to "civilize" the woman...but soon it becomes clear that the patriarch of this dysfunctional clan is playing with a less than full deck.

That the captive is kept chained up in a cruciform manner should not be lost on the viewer, it's as if Cleek worships this wild woman as much as he desires her - he even sacrifices his ring finger to her in a sort of twisted homage to a holy communion.

"when I get out of here, I am gonna eat Rush Limbaugh's fucking face"

But while keeping a bestial babe prisoner in a storm cellar would seem bad enough, it's also apparent that the Cleek clan have many other skeletons in their collective closet; the teen daughter may be pregnant with her father's child, mom is an abused enabler, and little Brian is a sociopath/chip off the old block...and exactly what the hell is going on in the barn with those damn yapping dogs?

Whatever the case, The Woman is an ambitious film that tackles the age old battle of the sexes theme and gives it the kick in the balls it needs...you can forget morons like that self-proclaimed Mama Grizily from Alaska, the titular character in this film would probably eat her alive just a soon as look at her. In fact, the anti heroine of this film ends up gaining all of our respect and sympathy - sure, she may be a cannibalistic crazy, but does she torture others for pleasure (or vote Republican) - hardly. Her modus operandi is to just survive...by any means possible. In a way, she's the psychic, unbridled force of women everywhere - a force that, once unleashed, could topple nations.

A tight, intelligent script, terrific acting (especially by Bridges, Rand and McIntosh) and a horrifically optimistic ending make The Woman a must-see.

PS, stay with the movie for a tiny treat after the final credits role.

And God Created Woman : THE SKIN I LIVE IN 18 Mar 2012 10:44 AM (13 years ago)

Pedro Almodovar's The Skin I Live In is like a great big beautiful blossom slowly revealing itself to be a bloody gorgeous flower - but beware the thorns, they are dripping with venom .

With nods to everyone from Hitchcock, to Ed Wood Jr, The Skin I Live In tells the tale of a scientist who recently lost his wife and daughter. Played by Antonio Banderas, Robert Ledgard is a man obsessed (and quite possibly out of his fucking mind). To the outside world he is a genius working on creating synthetic skin that would benefit burn victims, in real life, he is the quintessential mad scientist, hell bent on a single task. The good doctor even has his "Igor" in the guise of his housekeeper (Marisa Paredes) a smart, seemingly obliging employee, the housekeeper has some personal luggage of her own and...well, you are going to have to watch the film to learn about that.

For those of you unfamiliar with Almodovar's work - prepare yourself. His films are lush, manic, sexual, poetic, and often, darkly humorous. The Skin I Live In is no exception. The whole tone of this movie is somewhat absurdist, and yet, because of that, the sadistic horror that lies at the center of the story is such a terrifying revelation that it outdoes anything seen in American thrillers in ages.

Family secrets, obsession, science gone awry, murder, mayhem and a nod to Frankenstein ; The Skin I Live In is a heady brew that leaves the viewer feeling like they were lead through a garden of unearthly delights only to discover that aforementioned blossom - just take heed of my earlier warning, this flower has some deadly thorns.

I Lost it at the Movies: YELLOWBRICKROAD 6 Mar 2012 1:51 PM (13 years ago)

It was the late, great film critic, Pauline Kael who once said, "I Lost it at the Movies". She could have also been talking about the plot of YellowBrickRoad.

Served up in a very David Lynch-like style, YellowBrickRoad defies all expectations and manages to deliver a strange and trippy cinematic experience that calls to mind everything from The Shining to Mulholland Drive.

Legitimate critics and bloggers, much more talented than I, have reviewed this film, seek these out and read them for yourself - (I suggest you start here). I am not giving this one much a of a review as I am pondering its meaning. I may also drop a spoiler here and there. You've been warned.

***

I saw YellowBrickRoad last weekend, and it has stayed with me, haunted me, and intrigued me.

What starts as a story about a group of investigators and an author trying to get to the bottom of a mysterious mass vanishing of the residents of a small town in New Hampshire seventy years earlier, slowly evolves into a transcendental journey that leads the lone survivor back to the start of his journey where he discovers that hell may actually be the middle row of a cinema (or maybe it's up on the screen). YellowBrickRoad begins and ends at a movie theater, and, yes, the specter of 1939's The Wizard of Oz is somehow the catalyst for the events both past and present. Early on in the film we discover that just before everyone wandered off into the woods, they'd been watching The Wizard of Oz at the local movie house, and the remaining copy of the film was played so much, it is worn out.

Haunted woods figure also. The pathway that our intrepid heroes follow through the forest are filled with the eerie, ambient sounds of 30's and 40's era music - which at first is almost kind of beautiful, but eventually the sound gets so discordant and loud it drives some to murder and madness. Obviously, we never really find out where the music is coming from, but it's there like some sort of Dolby-surround-sound torture chamber.

When of the secondary characters is murdered and her body is later discovered trussed up to a pole and posed like The Scarecrow from Oz, one can not help but wonder why. Is her corpse a warning to the others, or possibly an enticement to wander even further, deeper into the gloomy woods? I don't have the answer, but I sort of suspect that this is the point that the band of adventurers basically have passed the point of no return - no matter what they do, they are doomed; The Emerald City, or some hellish version of such, awaits and all they have to do is to survive to attain it. Is this what the townspeople of Friar New Hampshire experienced several generations earlier?

Finally, when the film's protagonist and sole survivor makes it to the journey's end and finds himself back at the movie theater - what do we make of this? Has he gone full circle, or is it indicative of what's really going on here? Much like the townspeople of 70 years earlier, has Teddy (Michael Laurino) found himself in some sort of time loop? Is the story merely repeating itself with some new players - or is what the woman on the screen saying true, "This is where we live now..." Is Teddy in the same sort of twisted, cinematic dreamland that Diane/Betty (Naomi Watts) found herself in Mulholland Drive?

And what do we make of that usher at the theater, (and that gramophone, was that the source of the music heard in the woods)? Is this The Great and Powerful Oz of the piece? The man behind the curtain, the one pulling the strings?

I can't say that I have any solid answers. I can say, that I remain as intrigued and haunted by YellowBrickRoad as when I first saw it. I appreciate any film that challenges me and leaves me questioning it. Hell, I applaud it, and I am pretty sure I'll be re-watching this one over and over until I finally "get" it.

See you at the movies, gang!

Die, The Beloved Country: THE DEAD 18 Feb 2012 3:47 PM (13 years ago)

Zombie films are a dime a dozen these days. Any hack with a camera and some cheap stage make up seems to fancy him or her self the modern day George A. Romero , and as such, the once terrifying, disease carrying, shambling metaphor for death has become as terrifying as a Smurf.

And then along comes The Ford Brothers', The Dead.

Set in West Africa, The Dead is a throw back to the kind of zombie film, Romero was making back in his heyday. Bleak, stark, serious and layered with political and social undertones, The Dead is a far cry from the mindless, CGI enhanced zombie movies being served up lately. Told in a slow, deliberate manner, shot in 35 mm; The Dead has a sort of sweeping epic feel to it - frankly it's the sort of thing movie goers (especially horror film fans), don't get a lot of these days.

What starts like a Lawrence of Arabia meets Night of the Living Dead hybrid ( a lone figure in desert garb traversing the Saharan landscape whilst dodging or shooting a few really, really, really, slow zombies) eventually reveals itself to be the story of two men looking for hope in a hopeless world. One of the men, Brian (Rob Freeman) is trying to find a plane so he can leave zombie-riddled Africa and get back home to his wife and daughter in the United States) - the other man, Daniel (Prince David Oseia) is trying to find his way to a refugee camp to locate his missing son. Both men are military, and while one is mourning the living death of his beloved country, and the other trying to find his way out, both men bond and form a kinship that is both touching and heartfelt. Despite the hardships and the misunderstandings, they come to depend on the other and a realistic relationship is formed...again, not the kind of thing one gets in modern film very often.

If this film has a heart, it beats in the chest of Prince David Oseia who brings such realism to the goings on. His character is a decent man who may have been called on to do unspeakable things in the past as his nation was bled dry from civil wars, famine and disease. However, now, when a new enemy has materialized he understands that all men and women must work together to defeat the common foe or else what's the point of living( gosh, that's a lesson for these times). Honestly, I have never heard of this actor before, but he pretty much owns The Dead, and I am expecting big things from him in the future.

But wait a second, you kids came here for the zombies, didn't you? Well, fear not, because they are everywhere. As ubiquitous as flies, the pale-eyed-living-dead shamble through the forests, jungles and deserts of The Mother Land. These flesh eaters are slow, deliberate and stealthy. No running, no screaming, just the ever constant threat of them at every turn. Truly, some of the most eerie scenes of The Dead occur as our heroes drive through the African wilderness at night, the headlights of their car picking up views of the ever present, ever shambling zombies that litter the landscape (these scenes bring to mind Val Lewton's I walked with a Zombie) .

Another aspect of The Dead that is spectacular, is the photography. The African landscapes are at times breathtaking, while at other times they appear stark and barren - much like the continent itself. I for one, found myself gasping at some of the scenery it was that impressive - make of that what you will.

In the end, The Dead will probably alienate most modern audiences who have come to expect hackneyed plots, running zombies, jump cuts and gags - and that's a pity, because this is the kind of film that does not come along very often. I can't help but wonder what Romero thinks of this one (or if he's even seen it), but I suspect that he would approve of the film, and more importantly of its message; lying deep in the soul of this dark, disturbing, (and at times) gory movie is a message about the undying spirit of human kindness and, yes, hope.

Bad Apples 17 Feb 2012 1:27 PM (13 years ago)

Had to remove the "Top Fans / Followers" section as I had more than one ass-hat trying to promote his sex blog(s) that featured photos of underage models. Sorry kids, but it had to be done.

Lessons Learned from CONTAGION 4 Feb 2012 6:27 AM (13 years ago)

If a pretty blond offers to blow on your dice for good luck at a casino in Hong Kong, kindly defer her offer.
Never eat pork in Hong Kong!

Stop touching your face!
Typhoid Mary may look a lot like Gwyneth Paltrow.

Don't touch anything!

Don't talk to people.

Avoid public transportation.

Stay out of restaurants!
The beefier Matt Damon gets, the better he looks!

Bloggers may be the only people who will get the truth out concerning a world wide health crisis.
If you work for the CDC and tell someone something in the strictest confidence,chances are they will blab what you said to someone else in a matter of minutes.
Lab monkeys will suffer if a world wide epidemic happens.
Stop worrying about zombies, the living are a hell of a lot more destructive and dangerous than imaginary creatures.

And finally, society may crumble, but a beefy Matt Damon will survive.

Horror Movie DILF : Paranormal Activity 3 1 Feb 2012 5:52 PM (13 years ago)

Name: Dennis (no last name given)

Occupation: Wedding Video Photographer.

Family: Julie, girlfriend. Katie and Kristi, surrogate daughters.

Location: Santa Rosa, California

Why is he a DILF? : Scruffy, sexy and sweet-natured, Dennis is the kind of guy who loves his girlfriend and is devoted to her two young daughters. In fact, he's the kind of guy who will even partake of a tea party with one of the moppets.

Granted, he may not be making a lot of money as a guy who videotapes weddings; he does spend a lot of time at home, and is always ready to lend a hand.

When things start going bump in the night, Dennis rigs his girlfriend's house will all kinds of video cameras (including one he attaches to an oscillating fan base) to see if he might be able to capture some evidence of what is happening.

That he nicely fills out a pair of jeans, is merely a plus.

Unfortunately, Dennis comes to an untimely end while trying to protect his girlfriend's kids when he runs afoul of some Satanic hijinks.

Played by: Chris Smith

Strigoi 29 Jan 2012 8:56 AM (13 years ago)

Tired of sparkling vampires? Bored with horny blood-suckers with Southern accents? Worn out by the over dressed undead who dwell in musty old castles?

If you answered "YES" to any of the above, then director, Faye Jackson's Strigoi is the movie for you!

Strigoi (the undead) is the story of a small village in Romania where the locals have decided to knock off a corrupt land owner and his wife. Unfortunately, the couple return as "Strigoi"...vampire-like beings who will, quite literally, eat you out of house and home if you let them. That is, they will raid your pantry, your stove, your bread box...and once they've devoured every scrap of food you might have, they will go for your blood.

Now I don't know anything about Romanian folk lore, but I like the idea of the corpse coming back for real food, and then going for blood once the cupboards are bare.

Be that as it may, once the fun starts, a young man named, Vlad (Catalin Paraschiv) returns to the village after a failed attempt at finding his fortunes in Italy. Almost immediately, Vlad discovers something is amiss...from shady land deals, to haphazard police work, to people dying without the proper authorities being notified. Vlad is a good guy, maybe a bit of a slacker as he is the only one of his brothers and sisters who has not become a doctor, but his heart is in the right place, and soon enough he finds himself becoming the story's hero.

Infused with wit, intelligence, skulduggery and even some social commentary, Strigoi is that rare animal; a horror film that requires the viewer to pay attention to both the action and dialouge. You will find very little blood letting here, and only a touch of gore. To truly appreciate Strigoi, one must put away one's expectations of the vampire genre and prepare for a new version of the myth infused with some brilliant twists and turns.

I'll Be Back 22 Jan 2012 11:08 AM (13 years ago)

To my constant readers...sorry for dropping the ball, I was a bit under the weather for most of December, and subsequently lost that blogging feeling. I will be back soon with more postings. Thanks to the folks who emailed me wondering where I was, it was much appreciated.

BLUE VELVET 12 Nov 2011 9:40 AM (13 years ago)

David Lynch's masterpiece, Blue Velvet has finally received the treatment it deserves re-released on blu-ray this week. Besides seeing this darkly gorgeous film in all of its newly restored glory, there are also a slew of extras as well as 50 minutes of cut footage...more on that later, for now, let's go back to Lumberton...

***

The sugary facade of American small town life takes it on the chin in Blue Velvet. Initially, the viewer is given scenes of sun dappled streets, crossing guards, fire trucks, white picket fences and stunningly gorgeous flowers; but eventually we witness a man, who earlier was watering his lawn, grasp at his neck as if something might have stung or bit him, and fall to the ground while the camera delves deep under the well manicured lawn, where he lay gasping for breath, to discover all manner of creepy crawling things going about their dirty business...that which lies beneath?

Soon we discover that the man's son Jeffery (Kyle MacLachlan) has returned from college to be with his family as his father recovers from his malady (possibly a stroke, though we never find out for sure). One morning as Jeff is walking back from the hospital, he stumbles across a human ear amongst some debris in an overgrown lot. Finding the ear, sets Jeff on a journey down a dark, mysterious, horrific path where (much like we saw earlier), all manner of creepy crawling things are going about their dirty business.

Darkness sets in at this point and most of the action in the film (with a few exceptions) takes place at night. Sometimes the evenings seem full of magic; as in the scene where Jeff meets Sandy (Laura Dern), who seems to walk out of the shadows like the ghost of Sandra Dee, all strawberry blond hair and pink frilly dress. -- indeed much of Lumberton seems locked in some kind of odd timewarp. Clearly it is the 80's, and yet, old television sets, hot rods and home interiors seem like left-overs from the Eisenhower era -- Other times, the evenings are filled with seedy bars, malevolent factories, and menacing characters. And only daylight seems to make these places and people fade away. Could it be that Lumberton itself is on some sort of twilight plane of existence; not present, not past, just somewhere in the middle sort of teetering back and forth in time?

Speaking of teetering back and forth, consider our hero, Jeff. He's handsome, obliging, square jawed, and seemingly all American. And yet, he's prone to voyeurism, and, when push comes to shove, he might even engage in a little sadistic sex play (if his partner really wants it). It seems that Blue Velvet is all about Jeff's inner battle with the dark and light. Of course, as much as he might find it seductive, Jeff discovers that the night's darkness will turn on you, and possibly even kill you, if you aren't careful. And that's where Sandy fits in.

Almost angelic in appearance, Sandy seems like she wandered out of a Disney film from the early 60's. Virginal and pure, she is a good girl with a strangely spiritual and prophetic side (her monologue about her dream and the robin's bringing back the light to the world is one of the most touching moments in the film) who seems to see that Jeff is basically being tested. When we see her in anguish much later in the film, we understand that things may have gotten worse then she ever expected when she cries out, "Where's my dream?" However, is Sandy's innocence and purity as strong as the dark powerful tragedy that engulfs Dorothy Vallens?

Billed as "The Blue Lady" at a local nightclub, Dorothy Vallens (Isabella Rossellini) is a victimized woman whose life has been shattered. Her husband and young son are being held captive by a psychopath, and in turn she's become the sex slave of said psychopath. Stressed beyond belief, and streched to her limits, Dorothy has begun to embrace the darkness that has engulfed her and in turn draws others in. She finds Jeff hiding in her closet, threatens to kill him, and, later on, sleeps with him and then orders him to hit her - it's as if she feels that she deserves to be punished for everything that has happened to her - or has she become a masochist? One wonders what path Dorothy would have followed were it not for Frank Booth.

Manically dangerous, Frank Booth (Dennis Hopper) is the crime king-pin in Lumberton. Sadistic, psychopathic and addicted to amyl nitrate, Frank is the bringer of darkness, the ultimate creepy crawling thing who has made Dorothy's life a living hell, and in turn, dragged others in to the abyss. We first see Frank through Jeff's eyes as we watch along seeing him degrade, abuse, and finally rape Dorothy on the floor of her apartment. Later on, he kidnaps Jeff, torments him, mocks him, and beats the tar out of him leaving him for dead on the side of the road and in doing so, teaches him all about the reality of the darkness.

Now It's Dark: There is much in the way of brutality seen throughout Blue Velvet. Dorothy's rape, Jeff's beating at the hand's of Frank, the dead bodies on display in Dorothy's apartment near the end of the film, and just the crude way Frank address everyone (especially Dorothy who he refers to at one point as "tits") . But nothing is as brutal, or as gut wrenching as the moment when Dorothy shows up nude, bruised and raving on Jeff's front lawn. That scene alone is probably one of the most difficult things to watch in the film, and it strips bare the reality of what is going on, the truth that Dorothy has been living with, and the truth of how demonic Frank really is. This is the moment when Frank goes from being a crazy bad guy, to something worse - something almost inhuman.

For all of it's darkness and violence, Blue Velvet also has some farcical moments. Women who look like they stumbled out of a John Water's film play frowsy prostitutes, Jeff's eccentric aunt Barbara (Frances Bay) delivers some much needed comic relief, even Frank has his moment of levity when he asks Jeff what kind of beer he likes. Jeff tells him, Heineken, and Frank roars, "Heineken? Fuck that foreign shit! Pabst Blue Ribbon is what you'll drink tonight!", and of course there is "The Chicken Walk"...you'll know it when you see it.

In the end, Blue Velvet remains a modern film-noir classic. The simple story about a good kid who stumbles upon a bad thing and sort of finds himself in a fractured Hardy Boys adventure. But it's also a love story - Jeffery and Sandy's love story - as well as Frank's love for a woman that he can only get through kidnapping and enslavement. And there is also the not so simplistic story about the corruption that lies beneath life, the loss of innocence, and the battle between good and evil (and the constant human struggle of trying to understand that battle).

***

Now, about those special features. Well, first things first. This blu ray looks stunning. Plain and simple, you will not believe how gorgeous this movie looks now.

A lot has been made about the missing footage that was included. All I have to say about that is, well, there was a reason it was not included in the first place. Sure it's kind of fun seeing a young Megan Mullally, playing Jeff's college girl friend, and it was also kind of interesting to see the dynamics between Jeff and his mother when he first comes home; but most of the extra scenes are pretty long and would have just bogged the final film down. I think it's a good thing that they were cut.

A decent documentary is included and Isabella Rossellini has some great stories to tell about working with Dennis Hopper.

yes that's Megan Mullally - the future Karen Walker.

Trick or Trick : HORROR PORN RETURNS YET AGAIN! 31 Oct 2011 4:41 AM (13 years ago)

Happy Halloween, gang. It's time to check out the latest collection of buff boys and buxom gals in this collection of blatantly tacky, scary skin epics ... so without further ado, time to break out the remote control and a box of Kleenex as Horror Porn Returns Yet Again:

Bloody hunks and sexy zombies seeking firm flesh abound in Boys Night Out.

Taking a cue from The Queen of the Damned, Wicked Pictures presents Curse Eternal which promises that, "the dead will rise" (see what they did there, aint that clever?)

Yes, yes it's called Queer of the Damned...because they are ... queer and ... uh...they are damned...funny, they look pretty happy all things considered.

Kudos to the producers for really putting some thought into the box cover of A Wet Dream on Elm Street...are those vibrators on Freddy's glove? Brilliant!

They're here, they're queer, and chances are they suck more than just blood!

So I had to look at this cover several times until I I caught the gag. That said, great cover - but why not a tad more thought in the title?

Nekid nasty boys are being spied on, or something like that in the epic, When A Stranger Cums.

Honestly, if I did not know better, I'd have thought this was an ad for a film on The Lifetime Network.

And last but not least, Dante promises us a hell many of us would probably not mind.

and the Infinite Sadness : MELANCHOLIA 29 Oct 2011 8:37 AM (13 years ago)

Melancholia is probably one of the most gorgeously rendered movies since Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey - indeed, the film's prologue of slow motion scenes and invasive heavenly bodies scored to Richard Wagner's Tristan und Isolde will bring to mind the imagery and beauty of Kubrick's masterpiece. All in all, the ghost of the late director seems to hang heavy over Lars von Trier's latest film.

Breathtaking, heartbreaking, and sometimes terribly mundane, Melancholia is a rarity. On the surface it's the tale of two sisters coping with varying degrees of depression during an upcoming event that might herald the end of the world. Justine (Kirsten Dunst) is a newlywed suffering from more than a case of cold feet, while Clarie (Charlotte Gainsbourg) is on edge due to caring for her frail sibling as well as the worry brought on by an approaching planet that may very well be on a collision course with Earth. On the other, it's a deep meditation on existential angst, paranoia, the meaninglessness of life, and fear of the unknown.

The film opens as Justine and her new husband Michael (Alexander Skarsgård) are made late to their wedding reception because their chauffeur can not maneuver the gargantuan limousine he's driving up the winding, gravel road to the couple's reception that is being held at Justine's sister and her husband's palatial estate. This scene is probably one of the only charming and light-hearted moments in the film. Once the duo make it to the elaborate reception, and meet the odd-ball family members (of particular note is Charlotte Rampling who plays Justine's shrew of a mother), we spend the next hour watching the bride go from blushing to morose and soon realize that she has some kind of major mental health issues.

The second part of the film concentrates more on the impending event as we discover that Claire's husband (Kiefer Sutherland) is something of an astronomy buff who is constantly trying to reassure his wife that there is nothing to be worried about.

Frankly, to sit back and try to explain any more of this exceptional piece of art, would be a fool's game, Melancholia must be experienced to be appreciated. That said, this is not the kind of film one can watch with distractions, it is slow and deliberate and was made for an audience who want more than cheap thrills and CGI. If that sounds like you, give yourself over to Melancholia, in spite of everything, I think you will be glad that you did.

Back by Popular Demand: THE TRUTH ABOUT CANDY CORN! 27 Oct 2011 12:29 PM (13 years ago)

Halloween is almost here, and while that means all your fave horror bloggers will be falling all over themselves cooking up posts about favorite monsters, movies, screams and scares, I'd like to ring in the season by paying homage to that confectionery delight that is highlighted this time of the year: Candy Corn...read on and learn.

Anyone who does not like candy corn, can not be trusted! -- Pax Romano

While some sources claim that candy corn was invented by George Renninger sometime in the 1800's; the true aficionado of this confectionery delicacy understands that it has been around since the dawn of time. Even the bible makes mention of it:

From the book of Genesis 002:666 -- And God said, "Let us now make the most fabulous foodstuff , and let us make it in shades of white and orange and yellow, and let us fill it with such sugary goodness it will make men's eyes roll back in their heads, and let us call it Candy Corn". And god made the candy corn, and saw that it was good.

Most of you know the important role that Candy Corn has played in history; the ancient Aztecs used it to trade for goods... the Greeks built several temples out of candy corn... the Romans paid their most prized servants with it who in turn used it to buy their freedom ... the Great Candy Corn Crusade was of course one of the most brutal battles of the middle ages ...and, of course, every school child remembers the story of the Cleveland Candy Corn Party.

During World War II, Candy Corn was in such demand by our troops in The Pacific, special operatives delivered the goodie in dangerous midnight runs -- maybe you read the book about these brave men, The Corn Runners, that was made into an Oscar winning film that starred Clark Gable and Betty Grable.

To truly understand what makes the tri-colored taste treat so special, one only need know the secret ingredients: see chart below

Fun Candy Corn Facts:

* Recently, the USDA has added Candy Corn to its food pyramid.

* Studies have shown that children who get at least three, six ounce, servings of Candy Corn daily, grow up to be well-adjusted, and do better in school than children who abstain from Candy Corn.

* Albert Einstein ate six bags of Candy Corn every day of his life!

* One kernel of Candy Corn has as much protein as a 15 ounce steak!

* During the month of October, some Catholic Churches replace the Communion bread with a special Host shaped piece of Candy Corn.

Finally, if you want to drink your daily dose of Candy Corn: try a Candy Corn Margarita!

Trouble in Mind : RESURRECT DEAD 23 Oct 2011 7:52 AM (13 years ago)

Amusing, engrossing, and authentic, Jon Foy's Resurrect Dead is a documentary film that follows three intrepid fellows who try to track down the person (or persons) behind the infestation of hundreds of tiles embedded in the streets of a dozen American cities (as well as a handful in South America). Said tiles contain an obtuse message that references Stanly Kubrick's 2001 A Space Odyssey as well as a peculiar theory of how to raise the dead from British Historian, Arnold Toynbee. Most of the tiles read:

" Toynbee Idea

In Movie 2001

Resurrect Dead

On Planet Jupiter"

Lead by the charismatic, if somewhat eccentric, Justin Duerr, our makeshift Hardy Boys (Duerr, Colin Smith and Steve Weinik) scour the internet to come up with something - anything - that might help them discover the identity of the Tile Master. One of the more disturbing pieces they come up with is a unique tile which refrains from the usual Toynbee message and instead reads like some sort of bizarre manifesto. Indeed, the rantings reveal someone who might not only be suffering from paranoid delusions, but is also an Anti-Semite. Be that as it may, eventually several names come up as well as an address that leads the trio to a row-home in South Philadelphia where the investigators engage several of the colorful locals as to the whereabouts and comings and goings of one particularly odd neighbor.

Eventually, the guys come across several other fascinating leads including a brief mention in Clark DeLeon's column in The Philadelphia Inquirer as to who the Tile Master may be; a local who insists that his television once broadcast strange messages about the Toynbee theory; a one act play by David Mamet called Four A.M. (that may have been inspired by an actual phone call that the Tile Master made to a radio talk show) ; and a possible theory as to how this guy manages to implant tiles onto busy streets (include one right outside the Holland Tunnel in New York City), with out being seen.

Ultimately, Resurrect the Dead is a story about the obsession with ideas that not only possess the troubled mind of one lonely man in South Philadelphia, but also how that obsession can transfer itself to those who want to know more about the man and what drove him to that obsession in the first place.

In Honor Of What Would Have Been His 66th Birthday, Here's a Divine Flashback! 19 Oct 2011 1:04 PM (13 years ago)

Grande Dame Guignol: The Grandest Dame of Them All (originally posted 4/10/2010)

While younger generations may only be vaguely aware of Divine as the original Edna Turnblad, the 60's hausfrau whose full figure daughter finds fame and social awareness thanks to a dance show in John Water's Hairspray (a role later bastardized by John Travolta in the musical version), many of us recall Divine's less family-friendly roles where she usually played unstable, homicidal, maniacal mother figures; the kind of woman who would stop at nothing to keep her twisted world in tact.

1970's Multiple Maniacs finds Lady Divine, the ring leader of a traveling group of freaks who bring their "cavalcade of perversion sideshow" to the suburbs so that the well scrubbed can stare at homosexuals, drug addicts, foot fetishists and various other odd balls in a circus tent. However, once the show is over, many of the audience members are kidnapped, robbed and murdered by Lady Divine's troupe. What's even more disturbing is that Lady Divine and her gang have been taking credit for a series of murders that occurred a few years earlier in Los Angeles (That would be the Manson murders). Once the word gets out that Lady Divine and crew were not the people who killed Sharon Tate and company, she begins a slow decent into madness that includes (among other things), getting a "Rosary job" in a Catholic Church on Good Friday (you just have to take my word, that this is one of the most appalling things ever put on film). Later on, a crazed and delusional Lady Divine finds herself being raped by a giant lobster...

...now, totally off her nut, our heroine is roaming the streets of Baltimore, foaming at the mouth, carrying an axe and threatening the public until she is set up on by an angry mob...

and gunned down by the National Guard (while Kate Smith warbles God Bless America on the soundtrack).

Several years later, John Water's brought back his leading lady in another epic, Pink Flamingos. Here we find Divine playing Babs Johnson, a hefty beauty living a happy existence in a dilapidated trailer house somewhere in the woods of Maryland. Babs lives with her mentally ill - egg-craving- mother (the inimitable Edith Massey), her psychotic son, Crackers (Danny Mills) and her blond bombshell "traveling companion", Cotton (Mary Vivian Pierce). Pleased that she and her clan are known as "The Filthiest People Alive", Babs spends her time shoplifting steaks and hiding them in her panties, taking dumps on people's lawns, and faking out hitchhikers (slowing down as if she were going to give them a lift, and then leaving them in the dust once they approach the car door). And then, one day, word gets out about a couple named Connie and Raymond Marble (Mink Stole and David Lochary); who kidnap women, chain them up in their basement, have their servant impregnate them, and then sell the babies to lesbian couples. Babs is outraged that anyone might steal her title and war is declared!

Of course, there is still time for fun - so when Bab's celebrates her birthday and receives a bottle of RID, and a pig's head, and listens to a "singing asshole" (trust me, you don't want to know) it's all fun and games ... until the Marbles call the police who raid the party - but Bab's and her guests overpower the cops...

...tear them limb from limb, and eat them! Now it's on, and Babs will stop at nothing to bring down the marbles. At one point, she breaks into their home, and she and her son start licking the house from top to bottom so that the Marble's home might "reject" them...

...this scene ends with Babs bestowing upon her son "the greatest gift a mother can give"; yup, she sucks him off - do you think I am making this up? Be that as it may, Babs and her family set the women in the basement free, kidnap the Marbles and execute them before the press and then decide to beat a hasty retreat to Boise Idaho...However, while on their way to the bus station, Babs spies a dog doing it's thing on the sidewalk, and since she's craving a snack she, well, she helps herself to a taste of what fido has left behind.

Finally, if there were any justice in the world, Divine would have won an Oscar for her role as Dawn Davenport in 1974's Female Trouble. The tragic and violent tale of a woman who goes from teenage hell-raiser to a deluded mass murder craving fame at any price, is probably Divine's finest performance. After she runs away from home on Christmas morning (after knocking her mother out and tossing the Xmas tree on top of her) Dawn meets up with Earl Peterson (also played by Divine), a nasty brute in soiled underwear, who takes her to a dump, screws her, and leaves her pregnant and broke...

...after her baby is born (whom she dub's "Taffy") Dawn finds that she needs to earn money as she is now a single mother. She works as a waitress and an exotic dancer for awhile, but finds that there is much more money to be made as cat burglar - so along with her pals, Chicklet and Concetta, (Cookie Muller and Susan Walsh), the threesome mug bums in the alley, and steal television sets to make ends meet.

Still, it's tough being a loving mother, so one day, after little Taffy has worked Dawn's last nerve, she ties the moppet to her bed (after beating her with a car antenna) , and upon the advice of her friends goes to get her hair done at The Lipstick Beauty Salon - once there, Dawn meets, and instantly falls in love with the only heterosexual hairdresser employed there, Gator (Michael Potter) - the two have a whirlwind romance, and marry much to the chagrin of Gator's aunt Ida (Edith Massey) who would be much happier if her nephew "was a queer". Unfortunately, the marriage falls apart and Dawn and Gator divorce and somehow Dawn finds herself a pawn in the plans of the owners of the beauty salon, Donald and Donna Dasher (David Lochary and Mary Vivian Pierce) . This oddball duo worm their way into Dawn's life and on one fateful evening they witness her smash a chair over her now adult daughter's head (Taffy now played by Mink Stole)...

...the Dasher's photograph this event and then later, when Aunt Ida shows up and throws battery acid in Dawn's face, they photograph that event as well...

...the Dashers convince Dawn that her disfigurement has made her more beautiful, and they want to photograph her new face while committing crimes ("crime is beauty" they claim). Furthermore the Dasher's start a new beauty regiment with Dawn; liquid eyeliner, that they show Dawn how to mainline. By now, whatever grasp on sanity she might have once had is out the window, and Dawn is stark raving mad - sure that she is the most gorgeous woman in the world!

When she gets home from the hospital, Dawn finds hat the Dasher's have imprisoned Ida in a bird cage at her house and talk her into chopping off the woman's hand. Again, she is photographed while doing the deed...this only makes Dawn even more crazed, and between her addiction to liquid eyeliner, and her love of notoriety there is no turning back.

Finally, on the night of Dawn's big one woman show, she strangles her daughter (who has now become a Hare Krishna devote) and then proceeds to the stage doing trampoline jumps, and claiming that she "blew Richard Speck"...

...now totally, out of her mind, Dawn pulls out a pistol and screams, "Who want's to die for art?" and begins shooting into the crowd who have come to see her. Panic ensues and the police are called - Dawn goes on the lam but is eventually caught and brought to court...

...where she discovers that the Dasher's have used the photographs as evidence of her crimes and turned against her. Still, in her scrambled mind, she thinks that she is the top fashion model of the world, and when she is found guilty and given the electric chair, to her, it's the equivalent of an Academy Award...

...her final words :

I'd like to thank all the wonderful people...that made this great moment in my life come true. My daughter Taffy, who died..in order to further my career My friends Chicklette and Concetta..who should be here with me today. All the fans who died so fashionably...and gallantly at my nightclub act. And especially all those wonderful people...who were kind enough...to read about me in the newspapers...and watch me on the television news shows. Without all of you...my career could never have gotten this far. It was you that I burn for...and it is you that I will die for. Please remember...I love every fucking one of you.

Divine, of course, was a persona created and owned by the late, great Harris Glenn Milstead.

Horror Porn Comes to Haddonfield! 18 Oct 2011 3:33 PM (13 years ago)

A while back, I posted on the Halloween XXX rated parody that the fine folks at Smash Pictures were putting together, I posted some stills from the film, and remarked on how incredibly good the locations and sets seemed to look. Well, hold onto your Kleenex and baby oil, wankers, becuase the preview is up and, boy howdy, all things considered, it looks like they did a damn good job! You'll notice lines of dialouge lifted directly from the original film, and even some stunningly familiar looking exterior shots (check out that hedge!). Granted, Michael seems a tad skinny, and his mask appears a bit large for his head, but what the heck, any skin flick that takes this much time paying homage to its source material can't be all bad!

Hope for the Zombie Genre 16 Oct 2011 10:13 AM (13 years ago)

Constant readers of this blog know of my love/hate relationship with all things zombie. There was a time when I found the reanimated, flesh eating corpse one of the most terrifying things in the horror genre. And of course, George Romero deserves unending accolades for dreaming up the modern day zombie and setting it free to haunt our nightmares.

Unfortunately, these days, zombies are everywhere. You've got your zombie walks, your zombie runs, your zombie cartoons, your zombie plush dolls, your zombie ice cream and, yes, even your zombie porn; and as such, a once blood curdling fantastic creature is now about as scary as a Smurf. I half expect a Disney animated musical about zombies to show up one of these days.

That's why I am always surprised when I come across any zombie-themed work these days that is actually worth my time. Happily, there are some works out there using the tired old shambler and infusing it with such spark and panache, one finds themselves understanding that all may not be lost when it comes to this genre. For instance:

Tonight the AMC network begins season II of The Walking Dead, and if it's anywhere as good as last year's season, I think we are all in for a fun ride. I was constantly impressed with the style of this series - great acting, believable characters, and, most importantly, terrifying zombies. Of course like any good zombie tale, The Walking Dead gives us survivors that we can relate to; people who are not survivalist soldiers, but average Jane and John Doe-types driven to extraordinary measures to make it through the day (and night).

Colson Whitehead's Zone One is a witty, fatalistic novel concerning a post-zombie-Armageddon New York City where groups of clean-up crews sweep through the streets and office buildings eradicating the stray living dead in preparation for resettlement. Presented in a non-linear style, Zone One is a narrative that uses its theme as an allegory for life in post 9/11 America. Whitehead is a writer a million miles ahead of the pack, and that he decided to produce a novel like this one begs the question, "Why bother?" The answer is found within the pages. The hero known as "Mark Spitz" (it's an inside joke), seems coolly detached from the proceedings, even when he describes the events of his own personal, "Last Night" (the term used to describe the night the dead came back and everything went to hell). Everyone has a "Last Night" story - where were you when the lights went out? - where were you when the planes hit the World Trade Center? - where were you when your neighbors started eating each other? - and soon those sad stores all seem to blend together.

Despite it's rather lofty goals, Zone One also satisfies in terms of terror. The scene in the book describing the fall of Broadway alone is one of the most sensational and breath taking descriptions of a nightmarish zombie infestation one might have ever read.

Do yourself a favor, read this book.

Kelly Jameson's Z=mc2: Time-Travelin' Zombies vs. the Garden State is an over-the-top, science fiction/horror, political satire novel that starts at a break neck speed, and just gets faster until it threatens to shatter the speed of light. Set in the not so distant future (a future that amongst other things, features Sarah Palin as the President of these United States) , Z=mc2... tells the story of what happens when a dumpster behind a restaurant in the Pine Barrens of Southern New Jersey serves as a portal that allows time traveling, genetically mutated zombies to find there way to the Garden State to pick up some good eats.

Set in and around "The Pines", this novel is a kitchen-sink-stew of absurdity, laughs, gross outs, existential rants, and brilliant prose. It's obvious that Jameson is using her story to satirize America (and South Jersey in particular), my only fear is that much of it might go over the casual reader's head (god knows, I had to go back re-read every few pages).

Any book that includes the zombie of Albert Eisenstein, chainsaw wielding bikini clad gals, and an institutionalized man who quotes lines from Ed Wood's films, as well as a portly attorney who goes by the name of Hilarius Fuchs (say that out loud) stands the chance of possibly becoming so character driven the reader may get a tad confused as to who's who and what's what. And yet, despite the (seemingly) hundreds of characters populating Z=mc2..., Jameson never looses sight of the zombies. Her monsters are brain eaters like we saw in Return of the Living Dead, and they are most certainly a force to be reckoned with.

Bottom line, if you want a change of pace in your zombie-lit experience, this is the book for you. Also, I can't help but love the fact that all of the action is taking place in my back yard (full disclosure, I live just on the border of the infamous New Jersey Pine Barrens).

Dark Shadows for the A.D.D. Generation : AMERICAN HORROR STORY 8 Oct 2011 4:06 PM (13 years ago)

From the fine folks who brought us Nip/Tuck and Glee, comes American Horror Story a sort of Dark Shadows for the A.D.D. generation.

After a miscarriage and an extramarital affair shakes the foundation of their once stable marriage, Dr. and Mrs. Harmon (and their angst riddled teen daughter) flee Boston for L.A. and take possession of a gorgeous Victorian home on the outskirts of the city.

Of course everyone knows that gorgeous Victorian homes that sell at rock bottom prices (even in today's shattered economy) often come complete with supernatural shenanigans; the Harmon home is no exception to this rule. Almost before the realtor hangs up the sold sign, it's obvious that mayhem is afoot in the roomy dream home - in fact before the opening credits we discover that two little boys broke into the house in 1978 and were killed by someone (or something...more than likely, something) in the basement. And when the realtor explains that the former occupants (a gay couple) died in the house due to a murder / suicide ... well that's the point when you say to yourself, "shit I'd never purchase a property where something like that went down!"; of course you wouldn't , but this isn't about you, sunshine, is it?

Once the family is settled in things start going goofy...in fact so much happens, it's dizzying:

A young lady with Down Syndrome shows up in the kitchen with all kinds of dire warnings.
The young lady's mother, a failed movie actress (played with aplomb by Jessica Lange) also shows up and steals some silverware.
A satanic mural is discovered under the wallpaper in the living room.
A leather fetishist cat suit is found hanging in the attic.
Mr. Harmon (Dylan McDermott) walks around naked a lot in the middle of the night.
A middle-aged woman shows up claiming to be the housekeeper (Frances Conroy). Oddly enough when Dr. Harmon sees her, she appears as a young hot-to-trot ( Alex Breckenridge) who seems hell bent on doing the nasty with the good doctor.
A ghostly daemon with a nasty set of choppers and some seriously long fingernails apparently attacks someone in the basement.
Someone or something (again, more than likely something) dons the aforementioned catsuit and has sex with Dr. Harmon's wife.
A disfigured man chases Dr. Harmon down and tells him how he once lived in the same house, and how he set his wife and kids on fire because "the voices" told him to do so.

Clearly the creative team on this one understand that today's audience does not want subtlety, nor do they want a single shot held for longer than a millisecond - hence, American Horror Story is filled with jump cuts, herky jerky camera movements, and is edited like an episode of ...well, Nip/Tuck or Glee.

And yet, in spite of all of this foolishness, American Horror Story's pilot episode kept me riveted. The whole thing was done with such whiplash intensity, I felt like I was on some kind of fun house ride after dropping a hit of acid. However, I can't help but wonder, will it be able to keep up the pace? It seems odd that they'd throw so much at the viewer in the first hour...what can they possibly do to top this next week? I think we are going to see something that's akin to Dark Shadows; a trashy soap opera that not only features a big spooky house, but eventually we'll see vampires, monsters, ghosts, and time travel!

Another thing I noticed, and maybe it's just me, but most of the characters in L.A. seem like they might have walked in from different eras of horror/thriller films: The Maid (in her elder state) is something out of The Cat and the Canary, The loopy/sexy neighbor (Lange) seems to have walked out of one of those "Grande Dame Guignol" flicks from the early 60's, the deformed man brought echos of both The Shining and Burnt Offerings, the beastie in the basement conjured up thoughts of a half a dozen other films. Also, the homages to other movies throughout this first episode are already legendary. Scenes conjure up memories of Halloween, The Exorcist and even, Rosemary's Baby. That said, could the makers of this program be setting us up for some kind of mind fuckery where every Hollywood Horror Theme is included? It's not that far fetched. Why set it in Los Angeles then? why call it American Horror Story then?

Whatever the case, whatever is up the sleeves of those involved, I'll be back next week to see what kind of deviltry is going on...and hoping that Jessica Lange is given even more scenery to chew up.

CHILLERAMA 2 Oct 2011 2:41 PM (13 years ago)

Billed as "The Ultimate Midnight Movie", Chillerama is a sophomoric, stupid, sleazy, stunningly bad movie that somehow manages to be endearing and charming. Imagine a 13 year old kid telling fart and dick jokes, but doing it with such enthusiasm and chutzpah he actually makes you laugh...yeah, it's kind of like that.

Clearly the bastard-cinematic-love-child of John Waters, Herschell Gordon Lewis and Roger Corman, Chillerama smacks you in the face, makes you grimace, makes you laugh, makes you sick to your stomach, and then reminds you how much fun bad movies can really be.

Directors, Adam Rifkin, Tim Sullivan, Adam Green and Joe Lynch have gleefully served up a smorgasbord of gory goofiness by setting their story at a drive-in theater's final night where several films from the private collection of the doomed drive in's owner are to be featured. Unbeknownst to the theater's management and patrons, a zombie plague is slowly spreading via some tainted popcorn. But don't worry, that subplot will be resolved by film's end.

The movies being shown are homages/bastardizations of classic horror films from years past. Wadzilla tells the tale of a monolithic sperm attacking Manhattan ; I Was a Teenage Werebear is a gay themed rip on beach party / teen monster flicks (with a not so subtle nod to Twilight) complete with musical numbers; The Diary of Anne Frankenstein (which is probably Chillerama's best skit) is a hybrid of two classic films -that it is told entirely in German with subtitles, and that the actor playing Adolph Hitler (Joel Moore) speaks gibberish with a Germanic accent adds just the right touch of surreality to the proceedings. Finally, Zom-B-Movie turns out to the be the thread that is tying this whole thing together...but sit tight, becuase...well, you'll see why.

Peppered with cameos throughout (Lin Shaye, Eric Roberts and Kane Hodder, to name a few), Chillerama's repulsive oeuvre are all technically witty (Wadzilla is shot in over-saturated colors like a late 60's low budget film might have been; I Was a Teenage Werebear has a crisp, sunny look to it reminiscent of the Frankie Avalon and Annette Funicello beach movies; The Diary of Anne Frankenstein is not only shot in black and white it actually sounds like a film from the 1930's - you'll have to trust me on this one, whoever did the sound mixing on that one was a genius) and decidely high camp. If you're looking for serious scares, look elsewhere.

Finally then, Chillerama is sure to offend many: Bare breasts abound, dick shots appear, body parts are lopped off, zombies fuck people to death, gallons of semen drench people...and did I mention the mini movie that (thankfully) we only get a brief glimpse of, the one called Deathacation ? Probably not, as that brief, but unforgettable section, made me wretch (you'll see why). The thing to surviving a viewing of this obscene epic is a sense of humor and (possibly) a barf bag...also it couldn't hurt to be drunk as well.

Worst Gay Themed Horror Film Ever : VAMPIRE BOYS 25 Sep 2011 8:53 AM (13 years ago)

Director, Charlie Vaughn's Vampire Boys is possibly the worst movie you might ever see.

I mean that.

The acting is flat, and the story is laughable (cute twink comes to L.A. and is stalked by a 100 year old vampire king and his posse -- who all seem to own stock in Soloflex). These vampires can, and do, walk in the sun and all look like rejects from a washed up boy band.

Pecs by Soloflex, Specs by Ray-Ban, Ironic crucifixes by chance

Some stuff happens, a lot of stuff is inferred, the vampire king and twink kiss...then I dozed off.

Honestly, this piece of sun-dappled garbage makes David DeCoteau's work look like genius in comparison.

The only saving grace is that one vampire guy is pretty hot...the tall chrome dome one...

check out that rack!

...yeah, I liked that dude, Jess Allen, I look forward to seeing his talents eventually exposed via a lifetime exclusive contract at Falcon Studios.

If you really need to see this piece of tripe, you can check it out on Netflix streaming.

vampires just want to have sun...err..fun

The Graduate : THE CEREMONY 20 Sep 2011 3:06 PM (13 years ago)

James Palmer's little mind-fuck of a film, 2008's The Ceremony is a darkly delightful Satanic story set in a spacious rented duplex occupied by several college students.

Shortly after graduation, most of the roomies are out celebrating the results of their successful paper chase - except one - Eric: the doe eyed, good guy (Scott Seegmiller) who is home alone packing up and preparing for a job overseas. Stumbling upon a book surrounded by four lit candles in the bedroom of one of his housemates, Eric sets in motion a supernatural chain of events that build slowly (very, very slowly) over the afternoon and evening culminating in a decision on his part that might be his only chance for redemption.

The Ceremony is clearly a low budget venture, and that's what makes it so remarkable. With no real special effects, no big name actors (in fact, for most of the film, Seegmiller is the only actor seen ), and no blood or gore, Palmer crafts the kind of film that, bit by bit, creeps up on the viewer until he or she finds themselves jumping out of their skin and rooting for the hapless graduate.

The trick to enjoying this one is to be very patient. The first half hour of the film, is filled with scenes of the main character making calls, washing dishes, typing emails, and doing laundry in the sparsely decorated, sun splashed house. Frankly, it was something of a chore making it through the first act - but it was well worth it.

In the end, I could not help but notice how The Ceremony was so much like one of those ABC Movie of the Week horror films - the ones that depended on acting and music to set the mood as opposed to bombast and editing. Even the film's denouement is reminiscent of those made-for-TV epics - who doesn't love a twist ending?

You can catch The Ceremony on Netfilix streaming.

A Killer View : DREAM HOME 11 Sep 2011 7:07 AM (13 years ago)

Imagine someone made an over-the-top slasher film filled with more gore than Herschell Gordon Lewis ever dreamed of. Now, imagine that same film included great acting, a satirical look at class struggles, and a serious bit of commentary concerning the world wide economic crisis.

That tall order has been filled by Director Ho-Cheung Pang with his masterpiece, Dream Home (Wai dor lei ah yut ho).

Set in Hong Kong, Dream Home tells the tale of a young woman (the gorgeous and charismatic, Josie Ho) who grew up in a crowded, high rise flat in a lower middle class neighborhood, and now wants nothing more than a spacious apartment in a new building with a view of the sea.   Through a lot of hard work (and one cold blooded decision on her part), she finally gets the money needed to put a bid on the place. However, due to a fluctuating stock market, the current owners turn her down unless she can meet the new higher price they want. Devastated over this turn of events, the woman hatches a blood soaked plot to win back her deluxe apartment in the sky.

Told through a series of flashbacks, Dream Home presents modern day Hong Kong as a claustrophobic world where people work, live, eat, travel, and fuck in extremely close proximity to each other. Indeed, private space seems to be at a minimum, so it makes sense that an apartment with a huge layout and breathing room would seem to be the ultimate goal of many. Furthermore we are shown how the real estate market that boomed once Hong Kong was handed back over to China in 1997 effectively displaced thousands from their homes as developers moved in and demolished existing structures to put up high cost / high rise buildings .

Be that as it may, our heroine keeps her eye on the prize and channels her inner sociopath, breaking into the neighboring apartments of the one she covets, and knocking off the owners (figuring that a series of murders nearby would devalue the apartment's worth) . Make no mistake, the killings in this movie are bloody disgusting; decapitations, castrations, disembowelment's and, most troubling, a pregnant woman suffocated by one of those clothing storage bags with a vacuum cleaner attached to it.   Honestly, there is some real stomach turning stuff going on here.

Despite the gore (and baby, this one is a gore-fest), the actions of the heroine make sense (in a sick way); in a world that covets money and prestige, it seems that sometimes, a girl has no choice but to get her inner-Jason Voorhees on and get all slasher on innocent people's asses.

Dream Home may be set in the Far East, but the world it presents is the one we live in now. Consider the outrageous amounts people pay for apartments the size of a postage stamp in Manhattan, or other large cities...I mean only a deranged maniac would pay a million bucks per square foot, right?   And that's the thing, in a post Patrick Bateman world seemingly normal folks might stop at nothing to get what they think they deserve. Greed may have brought them to this point, but cold blooded sociopathic behavior will help them survive it.   And that's a lesson you'll never learn on HGTV.

The Devil's Work : RED STATE 1 Sep 2011 5:35 PM (13 years ago)

Several years ago, I heard a radio interview with Shirley Roper-Phelps, the daughter of the infamous Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church (you know, those crazy bastards that protest the funerals of gay men and soldiers). Initially, I tuned in thinking I'd get a good laugh listening to this hillbilly spawn of a fire and brimstone charlatan. I was not prepared for the fact that Roper-Phelps is an attorney, extremely well spoken, and very well versed in the bible as well as the law. I also was not prepared for the sick feeling I got in the pit of my gut as I listened to her conversation go from civil, to over-the-top -old testament-hatred that spewed like black bile from her. What was even more disconcerting was that Phelps spoke so passionately about her beliefs that she left me feeling queasy and in need of a dose of some sunshine and, maybe, a long shower to wash her hateful vibe off of me.

That's kind of the same way I felt after watching Kevin Smith's, Red State.

Smith has always been something of a curio. On the one hand, he's capable of some truly thought provoking issues in his work (see Dogma and Chasing Amy for proof), but more often than not, he seems to cave to the fan boy base that worships at his throne and litters even his best work with scatological humor, tit jokes, and man / boys who can't or won't grow up. With Red State, Smith has thrown out most of his crutches and crafted one of the most intelligent, and disturbing films I've seen in a long time.

What starts like a run of the mill horror film (three horny teens in search of sex find themselves in the middle of nowhere and are kidnapped) morphs into a story about the evils of small minded people and their religious beliefs as well as big government and its blood thirsty, vengeance seeking, cold heart.

Echoing everything from the Ruby Ridge confrontation, to the aforementioned Westboro Baptist church, to the paranoia spawned in the nation since 9/11, Red State assaults the viewer like nothing he or she has ever seen before. Make no mistake, this is a horror movie, but it's about realistic horror borne of homophobia, religious zeal and governmental heavy-handedness.

Michael Parks gives an Oscar worthy performance as Abin Cooper, the head of the Five Points Church where the deed goes down. Parks plays his villain with such charisma and charm it is uncanny. If this guy does not walk away with a gold statute next spring, The Academy should just pack it in.

Equally impressive is John Goodman as ATF agent, Joseph Keenan. Goodman puts in a terrific performance as a decent man asked to do the unthinkable.

Finally, then, there is not much more to say about Red State, other than to seek it out as soon as you can. Surely this film is going to alienate as many people who embrace it. Smith's fan base might really be in for a shock when they see what their idol is capable of when he is unfettered and not giving the people what they want (or expect). The rest of us will just sit back, mouth agape, and probably want to take a shower after it's all over.

From the Vaults: THEY LIVE 29 Aug 2011 2:20 PM (13 years ago)

Originally Posted on 02/06/08 as How Roddy Piper and his Tight Jeans Saved the World From Yuppie Scum Aliens

From the moment we see him stroll into frame, his jeans fitting snugly, his blond streaked mullet flowing in the breeze; we instantly fall in love with part time actor/full time pro wrestler, Roddy Piper as the hero named Nada in 1988's They Live.

Based on the short story, Eight o Clock in the Morning, director, John Carpenter took and ran with the germ of this tale of an everyman who has to save the world from an alien invasion, into a cuckoo political fable of Reaganomics heavily seasoned with as much macho bravado and bad one liners as was humanly possible, and by default whipped up something of a camp classic.

Actually, They Live starts off pretty damn good. It's all atmosphere as Nada, a down on his luck guy, finds his way to L.A. looking for some honest work, and ends up living in a tent city with some other folks who are all victims of the rotten economic times brought on by that failed movie star in the White House. These people spend their days working in menial jobs, and their nights camped around discarded television sets (that inexplicably have cable hook ups) watching shows that celebrate how the other half lives.

When he's not shirtless and sweating and looking damn hot, Nada is noticing that something peculiar is afoot. Like the strange interruptions in programing (stations are being hacked and an announcer appears warning the audiences that they are, even now, under attack) that cause a blind preacher to mimic what is being said on the television, or the odd comings and goings at a local church.

Eventually, Nada charms a local youth into giving him his binoculars so he can spy on the church from a distance, and he notices folks coming and going at all hours.

Before he can really investigate, the tent city is set upon by a thug-like cadre of police officers who arrest, beat or just drive the squatters away. It is during this disturbance that Nada stumbles upon a pair of funky sunglasses...and that's when the fun starts.

After beating a hasty retreat from the demolished tent city, Nada strolls the streets of L.A. and decides to try on the sunglasses. When he sports the Foster Grant knock-offs, suddenly the world around him goes from living color, to black and white - what's more, signage is significantly changed. Where a billboard once read, "Come to The Caribbean" it now states starkly, in plain black letters, "Marry and Reproduce". More signs say similar things like, "Sleep", "Obey", "Don't Question Authority". Upon glancing at a dollar bill, Nada now reads, "This Is Your God".

If all this is not enough to send a fellow into a state of panic, the sunglasses also reveal that many of the more successful residents of L.A. are actually zombified monstrosities of some sort. And most of them have these nifty little two-way radio devices built into their watches, which allows them to report suspicious activity to ... well, at this point we don't know exactly what they are, and who they might be reporting to.

As it turns out, we discover that the creatures are actually space aliens who have invaded our planet long ago and have taken over by controlling us economically as opposed to the use of laser beams and killer flying saucers - it's really a brilliant idea. The Yuppie Scum are from another planet, and they've acquired Earth via a non-hostile take over bid.

After the discovery of all of this, and just when They Live should really take off as a major indictment of The Reagan Era, the movie just flies off the tracks and becomes a testosterone fueled roller coaster of an action film.

In spite of this turn, my favorite scene comes when Nada, armed to the teeth with all kind of firearms strolls into a bank, wearing the tell-all-specs and shouts the immortal line, "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass, and I'm all out of bubblegum".

That is such a stupid turn of phrase, and yet it's fucking brilliant - word is that Piper improvised it - so make of that what you will.

Now that the one liner bottle is open, they keep coming fast and furious. Here are a few other priceless bits:

"Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat again."
"The Golden Rule, he who has the gold, makes the rules."
"You look like you fell in the cheese-dip back in 1957"
"The world needs a wake up call, and we are gonna' phone it it."
"I got news for 'em. There's gonna be hell to pay. 'Cause I ain't Daddy's little boy no more. "

Trust me, they just keep getting worse.

Anyway, now that our hero knows the deal, he has to convince someone, anyone, about what is going on. First he kidnaps a woman named Holly (Meg Foster) and tells her. But Holly don't take no shit from no tight jean wearing drifter - so she pushes Nada out her living room window (really!) and after he falls, god knows how many feet down, he brushes him self off and walks away. And he tries again.

This time he tries to tell fellow drifter Frank (Keith David). Frank does not want to know either, but this time, there ain't no window to be pushed out of, so for the next six minutes, the most ridiculous fight scene ever put to film occurs.

In this corner, weighing in at 280 pounds from Denver, it's conspiracy theorist, Nada. His opponent, weighing in at 310 pounds and hailing from Michigan, it's the brown bomber, Frank!

Now we get to watch these two bulls beat each other to a pulp, all, presumably, because one wants the other to wear the damn glasses, and the other wants no part of it. Frankly, I think this

is just the two of them working off some sexual energy, but hey that's just my take on things.

Finally, the fight over, Frank puts on the glasses and sees the light.

Next up the boys take a room at a dive motel on skid row, upon entering the room, Nada turns to Frank and utters another of those great one-liners (though this one seems rather telling), "Ain't love grand?" he smirks to his bruised comrade. Yes, to be sure, the relationship between Nada and Frank is filled with homoerotic overtones.

Anyway, now it's time for the boys to play cowboy, and play they do. Eventually they meet up with a group of freedom fighters, infiltrate the alien's underground headquarters(and in one of the film's brightest spots discover that the aliens have been helped along by wealthy humans who have a vested interest in the alien's undertakings), and shoot a lot of creatures.

Might makes right, and in the end, Nada exposes the world to the nefarious plans of the space yuppies by blowing up their satellite feed, which in turn exposes all alien's passing for human (note the scene towards the end where we see an alien duo debating the violence in film and mentioning George Romero and John Carpenter specifically).

They Live is a fun little movie, that coulda' been a contender, were it not for the dorky turn it takes. Still though, it is worth it for Roddy's bare chest, his tight jeans, and watching him struggle to show an emotion other than anger.

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