Taking Away His Incentive To Work 10 Mar 9:18 AM (22 days ago)
This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels.
PANEL 1
Two well-dressed women and a panhandler wearing a blue knit hat are on a sidewalk; the panhandler is sitting on a piece of cardboard, with a cardboard sign saying “please give,” and his dog napping next to him. One of the women is handing him a dollar.
WOMAN 1: If you give him money, he won’t have any incentive to find a job.
WOMAN 2: It’s only a dollar.
PANHANDLER: Thank you.
PANEL 2
The panhandler, tossing his “please give” sign aside, grins hugely as he stares at the dollar.
PANHANDLER: Hee hee
PANEL 3
Still grinning and staring at the dollar bill, the panhandler walks past a little grocery. Someone in the shop doorway points to him and calls out.
SHOP OWNER: Hey, you — want a job?
PANHANDLER: Hee hee hah!
PANEL 4
The panhandler and his dog are enjoying the waters of some island paradise, floating on inflatable rings. He’s now wearing a bathing suit and sunglasses, although he’s still wearing his blue knit hat. A little floating table next to him has a drink with a tiny umbrella in it.
He’s still holding the dollar bill, which he’s gazing out with satisfaction.
PANHANDLER: Aaaah…
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
“Chicken fat” is obscure cartoonists’ lingo for unimportant but funny details.
In panel 3, one of the posters in the grocery window shows a canned drink with a skull on the label.
In panel 4, there’s a rubby ducky wearing sunglasses floating in the water next to them. The dog is wearing a new diamond-studded dog collar. There’s a little table floating next to the dog with a dog bone in it.
Taking Away His Incentive To Work | Patreon
We Can Disagree And Still Be Friends 6 Mar 2:31 PM (25 days ago)
Here’s a link to a timelapse drawing video for this cartoon!
I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale.
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels, each of which shows two characters on a sidewalk. One is a man in a yellow polo shirt, the other a woman in a striped tank top.
PANEL 1
MAN: Why do you liberals make everything so personal? I know folks whose own kids have cut them off because they voted for Trump!
PANEL 2
The woman has stopped to face the man, and is listening with a little smile. The man is smiling and talking, but his face has begun to fall off, like a mask.
MAN: Sure, we’ve got political disagreements. But we shouldn’t let them stop us from being friends, right?”
PANEL 3
The man’s face falls off, and under it is a monstrous, open-mouthed creature. His speech balloon has a creepy, intense font. The man’s human face, still visible as it falls, is laughing.
MAN (monster face): Black illegals eating our dogs get out trannies are pedos fuck voting rights Sieg Heil
MAN (fallen face): Oops! Ha ha!
PANEL 4
The man pushes his face back into place. The woman is in shock, eyes wide and hands over mouth.
MAN: Anyhow, let’s not let politics come between us.
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
“Chicken fat” is unimportant details slipped into the art for fun.
Panel 1: Mickey Mouse, drawn in the style of “Steamboat Willie,” the first Mickey Mouse cartoon, is emerging from a hole in the ground, holding up a note that says “public domain ha ha!”
Panel 2: A gravestone in the background has “Floppy Disks 1971-2011” inscribed on it.
Tattoos: The woman has a tattoo on her bicep. In panel 1, it’s a tattoo of a nut (like at a hardware store). In panel 2, it’s a tattoo of a nut (a peanut). In panel 4, it’s a tattoo of Jerry Lewis as “The Nutty Professor.”
We Can Disagree And Still Be Friends | Patreon
Trump Says He’s Gonna Shoot Your Dad In The Face! 4 Mar 6:21 AM (28 days ago)
Check out the timelapse drawing video for this cartoon! You get to see me get started on drawing it, then throw everything out so I can rewrite it and start over.
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels.
PANEL 1
In a park, a blonde woman with a panicked expression is talking to a young man wearing a MAGA cap and an older man, both of whom are amused.
WOMAN: Trump says he’s gonna shoot your dad in the face!
MAGA GUY: Silly liberal! He’s not coming after good dads like mine.
DAD: You tell ‘im, son!
PANEL 2
A huge sound effect – “BANG!” – dominates the panel. The older man flies back, his skull fragmenting into pieces and his brain falling out, while Maga Guy watches with a shocked expression.
PANEL 3
The woman and Maga Guy stare in shock at the father’s dead body.
PANEL 4
Maga Guy swings around, pointing accusingly at the woman and yelling.
MAGA GUY: This is BIDEN’S fault!
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
“Chicken fat” is long-dead cartoonists’ lingo for unimportant details stuck in the art for fun.
PANEL 1: Kermit the Frog is peering around a tree in the background. The woman has a tattoo of Beaker from The Muppet Show on her bicep.
PANEL 2: The grain of the log is forming a smiley face.
PANEL 3: A bird flying by has a moon-faced head with a grinning human face. An evil bunny stands in front of the tree, smoking and wearing a fedora. Heihei, the chicken from the Moana movies, is sticking his head out a hole in the tree. The woman’s tattoo is now of Fozzie Bear.
PANEL 4: A sunglasses-wearing snake is coming out of a hole in the ground. Big Bird is sticking his head out of the hole in the tree. The woman’s tattoo shows Scooter from the Muppets.
Trump Says He’s Gonna Shoot Your Dad In The Face! | Patreon
The Getting Tough on Crime Cycle 13 Feb 11:56 AM (last month)
Check out the timelapse drawing video for this one!
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
A large, shadowy, and vaguely monstrous businessman looms in the background, counting a wad of money, representing the private prison industry. Three smaller scenes play out in front of this menacing figure, each featuring a police officer interacting with Uncle Sam, who is seated behind a desk. Arrows lead from scene to scene.
- Panel 1 (Left): Uncle Sam looks frustrated, gesturing with his hand as if explaining a problem. He says, “We have to reduce crime – which means being tough on crime! Put more people in jail!” A police officer listens.
- Panel 2 (Top): The cop reports back to Uncle Sam, “Good news! We’ve put way more people in prison than any other country!” Uncle Sam gleefully responds, “Excellent! So now we’ve got the lowest crime rates?”
- Panel 3 (Bottom): The cop says, “No, we’ve got much more violent crime than other rich countries.” Sam looks let down.
An arrow leads from panel three back to panel one.
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
“Chicken fat” is ye olde cartoonists’ talk for unimportant details we put in for funsies.
PANEL 1: A mouse is peeking out from below the desk. A big jug marked “XXX” is on the desk. The circular design on the front of the desk says “Official seal of the United States,” and shows a head of a proud seal. Uncle’s Sam’s shirt has a pattern of Lisa Simpson heads.
PANEL 2 – The circular seal in front of the desk now has a drawing of a smiling Stephen Sondheim, and the words say “Sondheim the G.O.A.T.” Uncle Sam’s shirt is kind of incomprehensible this time – it’s a pattern of a straight razor crossing a rolling pin, a reference to Sondheim’s amazing musical Sweeney Todd.
PANEL 3 – Uncle Sam’s shirt has a pattern of Sally heads (Sally from “Peanuts”). The mug on his desk says “World’s Best Hegemon.” The magazine on his desk, in print way too tiny to read, is named “Exceptionalism Weekly.” The main story is “40 ways we’re better than everyone.” The secondary story is “We Want To Believe Our Murder Rate Isn’t Caused By Guns – and therefore it isn’t!” The magazine cover also has a photo of a grinning person waving a giant foam hand with “#1” printed on it.
BIG DUDE IN BACKGROUND – The tiny print on the money says “Feed Me Seymour.” The portrait on the front is a portrait of Groucho Marx.
The Getting Tough On Crime Cycle | Patreon
If Not Now, Then Never 11 Feb 2:30 PM (last month)
Check out the timelapse video of this cartoon being drawn!
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels. They mostly focus on two members of Congress. The first is a bald middle-aged man, usually wearing a collared shirt with a necktie. The second is a middle-aged woman, dressed mostly in skirt suits.
PANEL 1
The man, looking very intense, is waving a piece of paper that says “BILL” in large letters. The woman has her arms crossed and looks thoughtful. The Capitol Building can be seen behind them.
MAN: We must ban trans from participation in sports!
WOMAN (thought): If I give in on sports, it’ll be easier to resist future anti-trans bills.
PANEL 2
The same two, in different outfits, are now chatting in a hallway, with him standing in a doorway to an office.
MAN: Now that we’ve banned trans people from sports, we have to do bathrooms. Bathrooms are like locker rooms, so it’s really the same issue.
WOMAN (thought): I should give in on this too – people are sensitive about bathrooms.
PANEL 3
The two are in different outfits, standing in front of a fancy desk.
MAN: We need to ban changing gender on birth certificates and driver’s licenses to enforce our bathroom and sports bans, right?
WOMAN (thought): That does make sense…
PANEL 4
The woman is on a city sidewalk, talking to three angry-looking constituents. On of the constituents is holding up a newspaper, with a large headline saying “47th TRANS BAN BILL PASSES.”
WOMAN: I’m sorry. There was nothing I could have done to resist.
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
“Chicken fat” is long-dormant cartoonists’ vernacular for unimportant details we sneak into the drawings.
PANEL 1 – Woodstock from “Peanuts” is standing on top of the Capitol dome.
PANEL 2 – There’s a portrait on the wall of Commander T’Ana from “Star Trek: Lower Decks.”
Lower on the same wall, there’s a little recessed alcove. Standing in the alcove is a mouse wearing a collared shirt and tie, holding his morning coffee and contemplating the world.
PANEL 4 – The name of the newspaper is “Daily Opiate.” The subheadline says “Trans People Now Banned From Public Parks and Eating Ice Cream.” The story is accompanied by a photo of a Klansman giving a thumbs up. A different story at the bottom has the headline “Cartoonist Unsure of What to Fill Space With.”
If Not Now, Then Never | Patreon
God Bless 10 Feb 12:59 PM (last month)
This cartoon is by me and Nadine Scholtes.
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has six panels, all taking place at the counter of a computer repair shop. There are two characters, a youthful customer wearing a red t-shirt, and a middle-aged man behind the counter, wearing a blue front-button shirt with a nametag.
PANEL 1
The clerk is smiling as he talks to the customer.
CLERK: We’ll try to have your computer fixed by Tuesday.
CUSTOMER: Thanks.
CLERK: God bless you.
PANEL 2
The customer looks like he’s internally debating something.
PANEL 3
The customer crosses his arms and looks grumpy.
CUSTOMER: I really hate it when people turn a business transaction into a religious one.
PANEL 4
The customer is getting more irate.
CUSTOMER: “God bless you?” What does that even mean? Which god? Why would he she or it want to “bless” me? Do you really think God’s plan for me changes based on you blessing me?
PANEL 5
The customer leans into the clerk’s face and pokes him in the chest; the clerk, taken aback, leans back.
CUSTOMER: Religious people should stop pushing your beliefs in my face! Can I get that blessing?
The right panel border is a thought balloon, leading to the customer character in panel six, indicating that the customer has been imagining this.
PANEL 6
The customer walks away, smiling and waving goodbye. The clerk watches him leave, smiling benevolently.
CUSTOMER: Have a nice day.
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
“Chicken fat” is an obscure bit of cartoonists’ jargon for unimportant details that we put in for fun.
PANEL 1 – A poster on the wall shows an anime girl holding a video game controller, under the caption “Anime and Video Games.” A smaller caption at the bottom says “You only don’t like them because you’re old.”
An adorable kitten on the counter is swiping at a computer mouse.
The customer has a tattoo of Snoopy on his right bicep.
PANEL 2 – The customer’s tattoo now shows Scooby Doo.
PANEL 3 – The customer’s tattoo shows Odie, the dog from “Garfield.”
PANEL 6 – The customer’s tattoo shows Jake, the dog from “Adventure Time.”
The poster on the wall has changed and now shows a sad looking clerk yelled at by unseen customers. The caption says “Be kind to clerks,” and a smaller caption at the bottom says “we once had dreams.”
A panel in the computer mouse is open, and a real mouse is standing next to the computer mouse, shaking a finger at the kitten and chewing the kitten out. The kitten looks very surprised.
Keep Government Out of the Economy! 7 Feb 11:24 AM (last month)
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels, each showing a different person listening to a pundit on Fox News.
PANEL 1
We are looking at a closeup of someone’s hand holding a smartphone. On the screen, we can see PUNDITHEAD, a white man in a suit, talking to the camera.
PUNDITHEAD: The most important thing to understand about government and the economy is, government should stay out of the economy! Government should also ban fake meat and subsidize farms, but that’s it!
PANEL 2
A red-haired woman is sitting at a table eating with a tablet on the table in front of her. Pundithead is on the screen.
PUNDITHEAD: Except for laws making it harder for workers to unionize. Those are cool.
PANEL 3
A man jogs through a park while wearing headphones. Pundithead’s voice comes from the headphones.
PUNDITHEAD: And subsidize pharma, too. And ethanol. And Elon. And, uh… what was I saying?
PANEL 4
A woman sits in a coffee shop, a laptop open in front of her. She’s laughing. Pundithead’s voice comes from the laptop.
PUNDITHEAD: Oh, right. Government should never, ever interfere with the economy!
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonists’ terminology for unimportant details the cartoonist puts in for the fun of it.
PANEL 1 – The Fox News channel logo says “Pox News cough.” The chyron at the bottom of the screen says “Nobody but you has ever read this text. You’re the only one who really appreciates this cartoon.”
In the background is Linus from “Peanuts,” leaning on the iconic brick wall.
PANEL 2 – the Fox News channel logo now says “Cow Moos channel.” The chyron says “Study confirms: Cyanide deadly poison. 46 graduate students perish proving the very obvious.”
A book lying on the table is entitled “101 background gags” by “J. R. R. Toke.” The publisher’s symbol on the book cover spine is Charlie Brown’s head surrounded by laurels.
Her coffee mug says “T.M.” in big letters. In tiny letters next to that “TM,” is another “TM” in small letters. In an even tinier font next to the second “TM” is the little copyright symbol.
The food on her plate, a sort of lumpy mass (I was thinking of it as mashed potatoes) has two wide eyes and a mouth, and looks distressed.
A big dog has laid its head on the table and is looking pleadingly at the woman. A cat is lying on top of the dog’s head, also looking pleadingly at the woman. A bird sits atop the cat’s head.
The woman’s shirt has a pattern with lots of little “Lucy” (from “Peanuts”) heads.
PANEL 3 – The jogger’s shirt has a picture of a skull wearing a white founding father wig, with the caption “George Washington. Rested & Ready.”
An evil bunny, wearing an eyepatch and smoking a cigarette, is in the foreground.
PANEL 4 – A sign taped to the wall says “$500 charge if you read this sign. Cash only.”
It’s hard to make out, but the little branding symbol on the back of the laptop is an image of the evil bunny from panel 3.
On the woman’s cell phone screen is a stickfigure smiling and giving us the finger.
The tattoos on her left arm are a coffee mug with “I am 89% coffee” written on it; a happy worm in a fedora crawling out of an apple; and “My other arm is a Mercedes.” The tattoo on her right arm is a Mercedes symbol.
Keep Government Out of the Economy! | Patreon
Our Highest Priority 6 Feb 2:59 PM (last month)
This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels. All four panels are set in a fancy-looking government office. There are two characters, a scientist (we can tell she’s a scientist because she’s wearing a white lab coat) and Uncle Sam.
PANEL 1
The scientist is holding a clipboard and explaining something to Uncle Sam. Uncle Sam reacts dramatically, raising a finger into the air and looking determined.
SCIENTIST: Over three hundred child pedestrians were killed in accidents last year, and thousands more injured.
SAM: That’s awful! Keeping kids safe is our highest priority! What can we do?
PANEL 2
SCIENTIST: The best first step is to slow traffic down! Speed bumps, traffic circles, lower speed limits, traffic cameras… Slower cars save lives.
SAM: Hmm… Uh huh.
PANEL 3
The scientist pulls down a big display, which shows a childish drawing of an SUV hitting four stickfigure children. The stickfigure children go flying, and have “X”s for eyes. Sam looks fearful.
SCIENTIST: And we should do something about oversized SUVs and trucks with high blunt noses. People think they’re safer, but when they hit kids they’re deadly.
SAM: So we need to regulate them?
PANEL 4
Uncle Sam backs away, fake grinning and holding up his palms in a “stop” gesture.
SCIENTIST: No, we need to ban them.
SAM: Hey, aren’t we catastrophizing? People can always make new kids, right?
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
“Chicken fat” is obsolete cartoonist terminology for unimportant details cartoonists sneak in.
The front of the desk has the Great Seal of the United States attached to it, with an image of a bald eagle holding a bundle of arrows and an olive branch in its talons. But in panel two it’s holding a lit stick of dynamite and an open beer can. And in panel four it’s holding a rifle and a smartphone.
On the shelves behind the desk is a bust. In panel one, it’s a bust of George Washington labeled “GW.” In panel two, it’s a bust of Linn Manual Miranda, labeled “LMM.” And in panel four, it’s a bust of E.T., labeled “ET.”
Our Highest Priority | Patreon
Compromising the Centrist Way 5 Feb 3:32 PM (last month)
This cartoon is by me and Becky Hawkins.
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This cartoon has four panels. They all show a little seating area in a food cart pod (basically an outdoor food court), where two people – a man in a blue sweater and a van dyke beard, and a woman in a green cardigan and a red skirt – are talking as they enjoy their drinks.
PANEL 1
BLUE: As a centrist, I think we need compromise on climate change. The left can’t fix it by itself!
PANEL 2
BLUE: The left needs to be less didactic and more open-minded and willing to make compromises.
GREEN: And what compromises should the right make?
PANEL 3
Blue makes “air quotes” with his fingers, while Green leans forward, hand rubbing her chin.
BLUE: For instance, the left should stop saying we need to pay attention to “social justice” when we design climate policies.
GREEN: And what compromises should the right make?
PANEL 4
Blue smiles, pleased with his conclusion. Green stands up and yells, her arms in the air.
BLUE: And the left needs to accept less regulation. And stop all the alarmism.
GREEN (angry): And what compromises should the right make?
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
The chicken fat here is in the “Holy Crepe” special of the day board on one of the food carts in the background. In panel one, it says “Today’s Special: American’s Apricot Talent.” In panel two, it says “Today’s Special: Nutella Mockingbird.” In panel three, it says “Today’s Special: Between a Guac and a Chard Place.” And in panel four, it says “Today’s Special: A Cream Deferred (vegan).”
Compromising the Centrist Way | Patreon
Why I Have Hope 31 Dec 2024 2:29 PM (3 months ago)
I don’t have a cartoon syndicate and I’m not in newspapers. But I get to do this for a living because lots of readers support my Patreon with mostly small pledges! I also have prints and books for sale.
TRANSCRIPT OF CARTOON
This four-panel cartoon shows two women talking as they walk through a park. The first woman has red hair and glasses, the second woman has a red hoodie and black hair held in a bun.
PANEL 1
GLASSES: So what do you think – is democracy done for?
BUN: What do I know? I thought Trump was definitely going to lose. Twice.
PANEL 2
A close shot of Bun, who looks distressed.
BUN: When I was a kid lots of smart people said we were doomed to be destroyed by nuclear war, and I believed them.
PANEL 3
BUN: I was shocked when the Berlin Wall fell. And I thought we’d never get gay marriage or legal pot in my lifetime.
PANEL 4
Both characters smile, and Bun spreads her hands expansively.
GLASSES: So you predict things will be all right?
BUN: No, I predict catastrophe. But it gives me hope that my predictions are always complete garbage.
CHICKEN FAT WATCH
Chicken fat is a venerable cartoonists’ term for unimportant details put into the backgrounds.
PANEL 1: There’s a hole in the ground, and Marge Simpson is popping her head out of the hole.
An almost illegibly tiny newspaper lies on the ground. The newspaper is called “The New Fork Tines.” The top headline says “Democrats Choose Youth For Leadership Position,” with a sub-headline reading “Newly appointed leader only 71.”
A bottle lying on the ground has a label that says “Old Litter.”
A mouse is holding a skunk at gunpoint. The skunk has its hands raised and next to it is a sack with a “$” on it.
PANEL 3
A bird flying through the air is wearing sunglasses and smoking a cigarette.
A hole in a tree has a paper hanging from it, which says “Hole For Rent, utilities not included.”
PANEL 4
One of the buildings in the background has a gigantic teddy bear climbing it King Kong style.
The mouse from panel 1, holding a shovel, stands by a freshly dug grave. The money bag lies near the mouse’s feet.