Over at ET Online: Lindsay Lohan at 30 (and why we’re hoping for her success) 1 Jul 2016 5:44 PM (8 years ago)

The nice people over at ET Online asked me to write about Lindsay Lohan’s career and what we can hope for her now that she seems to be in a much better place at age 30.

Comeback? To be honest, I don’t think her talent ever left her, we just forgot it was there lost in all the drama.

You can read the whole thing here.

Over at ET Online: Why EVERBODY WANTS SOME!! is secretly a great sports movie 8 Apr 2016 9:35 AM (9 years ago)

The nice people at Entertainment Tonight asked me to write about EVERYBODY WANTS SOME!! which I say isn’t a ‘spiritual sequel’ to DAZED AND CONFUSED, but is the spiritual prequel to MAJOR LEAGUE. (I also recommend the nine movies you should watch with it as a double bill, so be sure to check it out.)

Good Sports Movie (and 9 Other Films You Should Watch Again After Seeing It)

Why TV and the NFL need each other to survive 5 Feb 2016 5:25 AM (9 years ago)

Over at Rotten Tomatoes, I wrote about why TV desperately needs the NFL for survival today. Just what you need going into Super Bowl weekend.

(And just so we’re clear, without television football would be nowhere.)

Birth. Death. Movies./Alamo Drafthouse Star Wars Magazine! 30 Nov 2015 8:12 PM (9 years ago)

Super excited that Devin Faraci and Meredith Borders from the Alamo Drafthouse/Birth. Death. Movies. crew asked me to to create a comic about the Episode I line at the Chinese Theatre for the the launch of their new cinema magazine!

Thanks to the brilliance of comic artists Mike Russell and Bill Muldron, I come off looking pretty clever, so if you thank anyone for the comic, thank them.

Birth. Death. Movies, Star Wars Issue

Check out more of Mike Russell’s work here, and Bill Mudron’s work here.

Results of the 2015, from 2060 5 May 2015 9:22 PM (9 years ago)

Over at SBNation, I review the 2015 NFL draft class from the year 2060.

Win a copy of the 2015 Baseball Prospectus and some snacks! 13 Mar 2015 5:14 AM (10 years ago)

Originally posted on Sportadically.

Full contest details and how you can win a copy of the 2015 Baseball Prospectus annual and a gift basket containing two of my favorite recipes suitable for mailing made especially for you just in time for Opening Day over there. 

Welcome to Sportadically 13 Mar 2015 1:29 AM (10 years ago)

Last month I was chatting with my boss at Yardbarker online when I accidentally misspelled “sporadically” as “sportadically” in my rush to describe something that was sporadically happening in sports and my first thought was, “What a great name for a sports-centric site that would only occasionally publish,” followed by my fingers quickly typing, “BRB registering sportadically.”

Sportadically.

I’ve had my own name as a domain since 1999 (!) and at various times I’ve moved much of my sportswriting over there, off to another site with a domain I let lapse because no one could ever spell “tchotchkes” correctly, and then back on my vanity URL again. The problem always being, when I put sportswriting on my personal site it feels out of place and just as the joint fills up with sportswriting and I’m comfortable with it being there, all my other writing feels awkward amongst all the sports. This has led to various Tumblrs and such, but those are messy and unfortunately became more of a habitat for link dumps and Instagram photos of food, cocktails and my dearly missed dog.

And not to get too writer-y writer-y about it because this sort of internal dialogue when put on the outside is gross, ultimately I found myself in paralysis unable to type anything even as the words raced through my brain. Years have gone by like this, which is terrible, not wanting to discuss politics, books, movies, or losing my mother to cancer on my own site because I didn’t want mix it in with my sports voice (which is what I am better known for these days).

On the other side of it, feeling the pressure to write about sports aside of what you’re already creating freelancing for other sites has its own onerous yoke. Assigned pieces, pitching ideas and being asked to write on a particular topic; that’s the hustle, but sometimes you just want to write about whatever is amusing you on any particular day and you want to do it with more than a Tweet. (Like the above envisioning of what a full-sized Super Bowl snack stadium would look like on the land Rams owner Stan Kroenke bought around Hollywood Park.)

By saying that posts here will only happen sporadically and without any sort of schedule has been an incredible relief, sort of a safety valve to tell myself it’s okay not to write instead of the usual self-loathing that hits around 2 A.M. when swore to yourself you’d create that day even though you spent endless hours editing and giving notes to other writers. I have no problems turning down writing requests when other people ask me, I benched myself for spell after I left a gig I loved heartbroken, it’s always the failure to write just for writing that eats at my soul. It is impossible for us to be fair to ourselves.

So let’s try this out for a while. Cross-post a few pieces on Sportadically and on my namesake site until the training wheels come off.

Sporadically.

Goodbye to the MLB Fan Cave 12 Mar 2015 2:15 AM (10 years ago)

About a month ago Major League Baseball announced they were closing the Fan Cave, a weird den of brand marketing, viral video shooting studio, ‘Big Brother’-style reality show and occasional nightclub for league events, after four years of operation.

Lost in the history of the Fan Cave is how poorly its first year of went over with a significant segment of baseball fans; namely how it was only two guys, was launched with a bunch of Victoria Secret models hanging out on Opening Day, and the generally bro-tastic vibe presentation of the national pastime. In the Fan Cave’s second year of existence, Major League Baseball listened:

“We guarantee there will be at least one woman in the Fan Cave this year.”

I got visit the Fan Cave in that second year thanks to Yahoo’s Kevin Kaduk and Walk of Walk’s duo of Rob Iracane and Kris Liakos letting me tag along on their special tour, my curiosity two-fold; what was it like to watch ALL THE BASEBALL all summer long and how was the remaining female fan faring. It was already August by the time of our junket, and having to spend so much time always “on” between the live stream, social media and press sounded exhausting no matter one’s gender, but being a woman in a fishbowl can come with an extra undesirable attention.

Ashley Chavez was a delight and it was unsurprising when she went on to eventually win the 2012 Fan Cave contest. We had a good discussion about how sometimes as female fans we’re quizzed more so than our male counterparts to prove we’re part of the tribe, but she assured me her overall experience had been incredibly positive. (A discussion worth noting because it took one of my pals by surprise, it hadn’t really registered with him that if a woman starts talking about sports with strangers at a bar someone is going to eventually test her veracity as a fan, a sentiment also expressed by other female Fan Cave participants in later seasons.)

After the tour we settled in to watch a game (or a dozen with all the TVs going), enjoyed the perfectly calibrated chilled beer, and yes, even took a ride down the home run slide  — ‘Cave Dwellers’ took to the twisty-slide every time their favorite team hit a home run — thanks to a Clint Barmes grand slam that sent all everyone in the house for a whirl in honor of my beloved Buccos. And while I am generally jaded towards marketing concepts built around “reality” competitions and forced viral videos, for that one afternoon I saw the appeal of spending an entire season watching baseball without a care in the world.

Limited appeal, as I was just as happy to make my exit and meet some friends in the Village for dinner and talk about something else other than sports for a change.

Goodbye to the MLB Fan Cave originally appeared on Sportadically.

2015 Baseball Prospectus! 28 Jan 2015 1:53 AM (10 years ago)

So some crazy people let me write about the Pittsburgh Pirates in the annual Baseball Prospectus guide. (Peter Gammons wrote the forward!) The rest of the authors are veritable murderer’s row of talented editors and writers from ESPN, Deadspin, Grantland, USAToday, Vice, so on and so on. Anyway, you should order it because you like sports, you like good writing and because you cannot believe my name is listed along with all these other smart people and we should all get that in print form before the next time I fall on my face.

Amazon (#1 seller in baseball right now!)

Baseball Prospectus 2015 full author list

Brought a gun to a football fight 5 Jan 2015 8:40 PM (10 years ago)

“I’m not going anywhere where I can’t bring my gun. I’ve got it here.”

It was halftime of the Steelers-Ravens playoff game and suddenly my ears were ringing with one of our guest’s admissions. There was a gun somewhere in my house.

Backtrack.

While I was still prepping for the Steelers-Ravens game, two friends sat in my living room keeping me company while I cooked in the kitchen, the Cardinals-Panthers game streamed on a laptop perched on the open divider between the two rooms.

Somehow guns had come up and I knew out of the three of us one was a gun owner in the sport-target sort of way, the other against guns in almost all cases, my own gun ownership views leaning more towards the latter than the former, a product of my Rocky Mountain and Pennsylvania upbringing by parents who were firmly anti-firearms, even the parent who self-identifies as Republican. You want a gun for hunting? Sure, hunting rifles are fine as long as you pass a hundred background checks, only use them for hunting elk, deer, pheasants and whatever else you need a license to shoot, the hipster part of me thinking, “At least it’s tail-to-snout eating.” Pistols are an invitation to trouble and accidents, something a childhood friend found out the hard way when he played around with his father’s gun and shot his sister in the head when we were in middle school; a story my dad told about a drinking buddy who sat on his handgun (which of course went off) on a hunting trip and bled out into the back cushions of a Bronco for quite awhile before the man noticed he was so intoxicated. I’m small, so owning one for the idea of protection is a laughable idea at best as I’d easily be overpowered for it, and even my 6’3, 195 pound husband doesn’t want a gun in the home because he knows statistically, he is not not safer having one.

In the course of our chat we discussed the recent news of a two-year-old accidentally shooting his own mother in Idaho because he had pulled the handgun out of her ‘concealed carry’ purse and pulled the trigger. Such a shame, such a waste, and they had been a quote-end-quote ‘responsible gun’ owning family.

Fast-forward.

We had been discussing how mutual friend of six of the eight people in our home had put on his New Year’s party invite, “Bring love and a kind and caring spirit! Thatâ€s how we roll around here. (No guns, knives, attitudes, etc!) Thereâ€s nothing to prove here!”

It had been a strange thing to put on the invitation. Between the lot of us we’d been to thousand parties at our friend’s house over the past decade-plus and weapons had never been an issue. Huge blowouts with hundreds of people coming and going, and the only incident that ended up with any sort of proclamation was the “if it’s 5am and Andy Dick is just showing up it’s time to get the fuck out”-rule. (This of course is a good rule in general in Los Angeles where you are 2347-times more likely to have Andy Dick show up than be the one person who gets the coveted Bill Murray drop-in.) None of us understood why our friend felt the need to spell it out so bluntly, other than they were probably just trying to be super positive going into the new year.

But our friend’s partner went on, “That’s why we didn’t go to [redacted]’s party. I’m not going anywhere where I can’t bring my gun. I’ve got it here.”

The words buzzed in my ears. It was halftime. By this time I had downed a couple of drinks and was feeling the downturn end of a buzz from the low-dose edible I had eaten earlier in the day, but felt sober enough to know I didn’t like what I experiencing; this person was clearly drunk and was proclaiming having a gun in my home. I was frozen, unsure how to react, but my brain shouted, “What if something happens? This is all in YOUR FUCKING HOME.” Not but an hour before that a friend had dropped some food on the floor and when they tried to reach for it the Spaniel had protected what she saw as now hers by trying to nip at their hand. The dog was disciplined and isolated, apologies and embarrassment all around from us and our guest. How would I apologize away a gun accident?

I looked around, did not see this drunk person’s bag. Had they brought one in? In going over the evening with my husband later on, I had put their coats on our bed didn’t remember a bag and nor did my husband remember a bag when he returned their jackets. Neither of us remembered a jacket that would have felt heavy enough to even have a .22 in the pocket.

The second half of the game was a blur, Steelers losing, drunk friends jokingly yelling at each other, but my mind kept going back to the comment about the gun. This was the first time we had people over for football all season and only the second time we had more than two people over at once, the first time being a recent housewarming party last we finally hosted nearly a year after moving. When you finally have a bunch people over you worry about all the things that can go wrong. At the house party my husband worried despite what the foundation and general contractors had said, our built-out game room was going to collapse under everyone’s feet. It didn’t. Even in the middle of the AFC Wild Card game we didn’t even feel a nearby earthquake. We could feel secure with the house, but not our guests.

The next afternoon I searched Google for “what to do if a guest brings a gun to a party,” “what to do if a guest brings a gun to your home” and “what to do if a guest brings a gun.” Surprisingly, not a lot helpful results. Did I expect there to be a Real Simple or Martha Stewart etiquette post? A Vox explainer on local gun laws, private property and our liability if somehow the gun had gone off? I knew that if the Spaniel had hurt my friend with her territorial nip (coincidentally, that friend being a lawyer who would know these laws better than I do), any damages would be our fault. Had no idea what it meant for the gun liability. Could we be in trouble for an accident since we had provided the alcohol? Or could I be liable since I knew about the gun and had not specifically said, “no guns” and had not demand its removal from our property.

The one post I did find was from a gun owner discussing taking their gun out and about titled “Would you carry a gun to a friend’s house?” and the message was disturbing; if you think someone is going to be upset about you bringing a gun into their home, don’t tell them about it. Hide it in your suitcase if you’re staying overnight, keep your lips sealed.

What?

So in not going to the party (and in doing so missing out on seeing good friends), they had made the responsible choice, if not kind of a lonely one. Somehow for this internet stranger or our friends “leave the gun at home and see your friends” was never an option.

Next weekend is a few days away. More games to watch, more food and drinks, more just hanging out, a new wrinkle. Do you not invite the couple where one-half only comes packing? Do you say to the unarmed half, “Hey it’s cool if you come but if your partner wants join, our house, our rules; no guns” and risk driving someone away because you don’t approve of their interpretation of the Second Amendment while on your property? Say nothing and hope for the best?

Or, this option I’m doing right now, write a passive-aggressive post they’ll most likely never see and create my own Google-ready “what to do if someone brings a gun to watch football” search result and invite my own social media echo chamber over for advice.

*Footnote: I realize someone can make the comparison between bringing a gun into my home and my mention of a edible marijuana. Those are for home, not friends’ houses (unless they ask you to bring it). 

List: Movies Jon Gruden Should Star In The Remake Of 10 Nov 2014 6:16 PM (10 years ago)

While praising Mark Sanchez’s production in the Eagles-Panthers game, human highlighter pen Jon Gruden slipped in an ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK reference when describing the quarterback’s change of fortune in Philadelphia. An obvious joke to headline writers everywhere, boothmate Mike Tirico couldn’t help but ask if Gruden had planned out the reference earlier in the day.

Gruden’s reply, “I like Snake Plissken.”

Of course he does. Gruden liking Snake Plissken goes with his enjoyment of hair metal and hard work. He’s been called “Chucky” a million times, but he’s Snake. We should shut down working on all future movies — fuck the Marvel and Star Wars slate — until we have a reboot of ESCAPE starring Jon Gruden in the can.

Other movies we need to remake just to have Jon Gruden star in them:

• Lincoln Hawk, OVER THE TOP
• Henry Wilcox, HOWARD’S END
• Raymond Tango, Gabriel Cash (green screen dual role), TANGO & CASH
• Kitano, BATTLE ROYALE
• Michael Dorsey, TOOTSIE
• Arthur Bach, ARTHUR
• Neo, THE MATRIX
• Donnie Brasco, DONNIE BRASCO
• Thorton Melon, BACK TO SCHOOL
• Brad Hamilton, FAST TIMES AT RIDGEMONT HIGH
• Kit, BADLANDS

You, your period and your workplace. 13 Aug 2014 3:22 PM (10 years ago)

My friend Wanda shared a story on Slate today about what a woman should do if she feels so sick from her period she needs to go home and how she should tell her male bosses. The advice she received was to feign a headache or whatever is going around the office.

This bothers me because severe cramps and everything horrible that sometimes come with the menstrual cycle are legitimate medical issues that one shouldn’t be afraid to tell others about. Why is it less embarrassing to tell someone you have a headache than to say you feel so nauseous from your cramps you’re worried you might yak all over your keyboard? Or that sitting at a cubical in an uncomfortable chair is only making matters worse, and that if you could go home and work laying in bed with your heating pad (which if I am being honest, I did this morning because I felt so sick) you’d be much more productive? Because it’s bloody and between your legs and we’ve been groomed to make sure no one ever knows you’re having your period, no matter what? That somehow it makes you a weaker human being?

Everything you see above I take for my period. The transexamic acid to make the flow a little less like CARRIE. 600mg pills of ibuprofen for cramps. The gabapentin because my uterus is big and boggy and doesn’t quite fit in my body so it presses on nerves that go down my leg causing even more pain. The Percocet for when the above are not enough. The stool softener because Percocet binds you up like a motherfucker. (As do the iron pills I take — not pictured — to stave of the anemia that comes with my heavy flow.) The weed for when all of the above don’t feel like they’re helping or I’m just so incredibly anxious from the dealing with pain. It actually doesn’t help relieve the pain, but at least I stop thinking about it for a few hours. Honestly, most of the time it makes me just want to take a nap so I usually don’t even bother with it, but it’s there as a “break the glass in case of emergency” solution.

Going through all of the above does not make me weak nor does it make me a bad employee. I’ve sucked it up more times that I can count for work, but I’ve also had no shame in plugging a heating pad under my desk at the office to get through the day. I’ve looked many bosses in the eye and said, “I have to go home, my period is making me sick. I’ll work there.” No one has ever given me a hard time, I’ve never been viewed as flake and my work was always completed. I know that if month after month I had lied and said I had a headache or I needed to go to an appointment that it would have eventually undermined my credibility with my employers. Having been in the situation where people report directly to me, I know well enough when someone’s faking an illness to go do something else and I always appreciated the ones who were honest about why they had to leave the office for whatever reason. Those employees tended to be more trustworthy in the long run and were the ones who didn’t abuse the privilege of working remotely.

My point is, don’t be ashamed of what your body is going through. If women want to be considered equals in the workplace the workplace has to acknowledge that sometimes our bodies are working against us even when we are devoted to our jobs. This doesn’t make us bad employees, it makes us human employees.

Now for the humor part of my lecture.

Years ago when I still worked in an office and my Twitter feed was still locked under a Defamer-related pseudonym, I semi-live Tweeted what it was like to get my period in front of my boss in a big meeting. There is no way asking to go home because of cramps could be more embarrassing than the following tale so let my story give you strength to be honest in your own office.

Enjoy.

That was fun. My boss is in town like four times a year and my period decided to arrive (without me noticing) in the middle of a huge mtg.

Until I STOOD UP and WHAMMO. And?!?!? Wearing shorts. So when I did stand up, some dripped down my leg ONTO THE FLOOR IN A PUDDLE. 4:41 PM Jul 14th from web

So what are you supposed to do? Stand there in a puddle of menses? Do you acknowledge it? Is this possibly worse than peeing oneself? 4:42 PM Jul 14th from web

AND YES I KNOW I OVERSHARE ON TWITTER. 4:43 PM Jul 14th from web

I am hoping he did not notice. But doubtful. Plus, we have polished concrete floors. 4:44 PM Jul 14th from web

This is why other cultures have it better. It’s your period? GO STAY IN A HUT WITH THE OTHER BLEEDERS UNTIL YOU ARE DONE  4:50 PM Jul 14th from web    

Should point out once I did realize there was a small period puddle I stepped on it and moved my flip-flop around. 4:52 PM Jul 14th from web

Probably thinks I have a dirty vay-jay-jay now. 4:52 PM Jul 14th from web

You know, from the flip flop dirt mixed with period. 4:53 PM Jul 14th from web

OK I am done. Glad I horrified some of you now. 4:54 PM Jul 14th from web

Taking this as a compliment RT @NunesMagician @TheStarterWife I kept waiting to find out if the spot was dealt with. That was suspenseful! 5:12 PM Jul 14th from web  

Schlepping our wares around town 2 Jul 2014 2:00 PM (10 years ago)

It’s been forever since I’ve updated the main page of my personal site and feel like it needs at least one new update. Stopped putting all the Kissing Suzy Kolber food posts as separate links on the front page last season (although the full archive and links can as always be found at the tool bar at the top, that has always been updated and really, why haven’t you made the Chicken Fried Bacon or Jalapeños Stuffed With Chorizo And Corn Bread yet?) and just have been too busy with other projects for my vanity site. I’d apologize, but apologizing for the lack of updates on a personal site is even too indulgent for me, so instead of saying sorry, just know that I’ve been wracked with guilt about letting this place gather dust.

Anyway, making food on the new smoker and trying new drinks food over on the Instagram, kidding around with friends on Twitter, slinging around the football jokes over on Kissing Suzy Kolber for UPROXX. Ignoring my Tumblr. Still running a tiny little Etsy shop making jewelry out of old trading cards and comics.

Long reads? Long reads are offline.

Foodball Over At KSK 27 Sep 2013 2:37 PM (11 years ago)

Yes, I have been terrible about adding the new recipes over here as I post them over on Kissing Suzy Kolber.

So here is Buffalo Chicken Tortilla Soup:

Poutine Potato Skins…

and Mini Poutine Potatoes.

Finally, Chicken Schnitzle Sandwiches:

While you’re at it, please do apologize to your pets for football season.

Obviously you can always follow the “sarah sprague” tag over there too for all the non-Foodball but still football fun.

Roasted Mezcal Bloody Marys: Football Foodies Becomes Foodball Over KSK 6 Sep 2013 2:51 PM (11 years ago)

Renamed the Football Foodie (hooray!) Foodball this week over on KSK, and posted a great recipe for Roasted Mezcal Bloody Marys.

I’ve been terrible about cross-posting here what has been up over at Kissing Suzy Kolber other than recipes, so remember, you can always follow the “Sarah Sprague” tag if you like, but you should be checking out the whole site every day regardless if I’ve got work up that day or not.

Can’t believe it’s already football season. The summer felt all of ten minutes long.

Everybody into the pool! The 2013 Football Foodie CFB and NFL pick’em pools are here! 26 Aug 2013 9:55 AM (11 years ago)

Time to start the annual Football Foodie Pickâ€em Leagues!

Will this year finally be end of the Rob in Wisconsin,  Pretty Girls and Waffles, Studley and Catherine’s domination? Or Jerkwheat? Or anyone else who manages to do better than Vega?

Never been a part of Football Foodie Pickâ€em? The deets:

The pools!

Straight-up pickâ€em, no spread or confidence points and all games will count. As always, smack talk is not only allowed, itâ€s encouraged.

Football Foodie College Pickâ€Em Pool: League ID #12488, Password: pizzaloaf (all lower case letters)

I know this is a bit of a rush for the CFB league, but you have until Friday night for the three games played then and until Saturday for the rest of the Week 1 slate since weâ€re using the standard “Games Yahoo Editors Find Interesting” setting.  Not entirely sure what the “games Yahoo editors find interesting” metric consists of, because they often to pick some pretty boring games.

Football Foodie NFL Pickâ€Em Pool: League ID #38139. Password: pizzaloaf (all lower case letters)

Yahooâ€s NFL pickâ€em leagues allow you to run the pool through the playoffs, which is a right swell development in my book. Everyone seemed to have fun picking through the Super Bowl a couple of years ago and then again last season, so weâ€re going to do it again this year. (Also Iâ€m hoping that the pool will come right down to the wire and the Super Bowl picks will determine the winner. Extra tension for all!)

The prizes!

Previous winners have won $50 Amazon gift cards or chefâ€s coats featuring their favorite teams. Iâ€d like to say Iâ€ve got a better idea for this yearâ€s prizes, but as of this moment I donâ€t so letâ€s say those are the prizes and if something cooler comes up, Iâ€ll let everyone know.

The Football Foodies!

The reason why we are all here. Recipes will start going up in about a week to kick off seventh (!!!) season of the Football Foodie. Holy crap, that’s a lot of recipes!

Wanted Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah! 14 Mar 2013 12:46 PM (12 years ago)

Spotted in an alley off of Third and Fairfax.

Nice little bit of viral marketing for a small 90s party rock band Becky Kramer’s Brother.

One more, because I couldn’t resist.

Snark Is A Loaded Gun 20 Feb 2013 2:55 PM (12 years ago)

It starts innocently enough. Cruising through Twitter while eating my lunch I see a link to something Kelly Clarkson wrote about Clive Davis, who I guess has a new book out about his life and career. Clarkson’s upset with how Davis portrayed her and her music. Since it’s lunch time and like many who have worked in the gutters of the entertainment and music businesses, I want to read more about the clay feet of golden gods. It’s not a particularly good desire, but I’m entering “Clive Davis” into the Google search field anyway, knowing the recent news would pop up to the top.

SEO lands me at three to new stories for Clive Davis, one from the New York Daily News “Jamie Foxx, Clive Davis and Kelly Clarkson pose for a red carpet shot” (pass), Daily Beast “Clive Davis Tells All” (pass), “Kelly Clarkson says Clive Davis bullied her” USA Today (bingo).

Instead of details, there was a line about how Davis had a new memoir out and Clarkson’s reaction, which does not paint the legendary producer in a flattering light. Makes him look like a mean old man stomping on a young singer-songwriter. 259 words of rehash and Clarkson’s quotes.

And this from the author Donna Freydkin to finish the piece:

So there you go. Oh and by the way, he’s bisexual.

What?

248 words of how Clive Davis looks like a jerk and then throwing in a, “by the way, he’s a bisexual.”

How is that acceptable? In the framework of the piece that was written, the implication is that Clive Davis is a jerk and a bisexual, and maybe he reason he’s a jerk is because of his sexual identification.

Let’s try an exercise.

So there you go. Oh and by the way, he’s straight.
So there you go. Oh and by the way, he’s gay.
So there you go. Oh and by the way, he’s Jewish.
So there you go. Oh and by the way, he’s American.
So there you go. Oh and by the way, he’s a New Yorker.

Maybe the last one works, but only if you’re writing jokes for Carson in the 1970s.

The article doesn’t mention that Davis recently came out about his sexual preference on a morning talk show, which may be one (tenuous) reason to bring it up in a news article about his relationship with Clarkson, it just throws the information out cold like we’re all in on the joke. But that’s the thing, we’re not, mostly because it’s not funny and secondly because there was no set up to end the article with the line. Instead it’s offensive and it’s irrelevant to everything that came in the piece before it.

Listen, I know being an entertainment writer is a tough beat. USA Today is the middle of huge overhaul, adding blog style pieces and reporting with just enough of an edge to the voice not to be confused with the pie charts and large colored balls they put on their online articles. It’s hard to write for a large outlet that wants the fringe outlook and the mainstream success of 2007 Defamer without crossing any sort of line into tastelessness, a nearly impossible task if someone does not have deftness of skill to pull off snark. So instead crafting a good joke — one that might even be relevant to Davis and Clarkson! — the, “Oh and by the way, he’s bisexual” is a cheap way to attempt a laugh while seemingly skirting the boundaries of the taboo, failing both human courtesy and comedy writing.

Snark is a loaded gun and if you’re going to pull the trigger on a line like, “Oh and by the way, he’s bisexual” you have to realize you’re shooting yourself in the process.

Super Bowl Recipe Month: Designated Driver Drinks And The Football Foodie Year In Review at KSK 1 Feb 2013 9:30 AM (12 years ago)

Be a good host and offer something more than soda or water for the designated drivers at your Super Bowl Party. Itâ€s a nice way to show them you appreciate them driving your drunk-ass friendshome at the end of the night so they donâ€t end up sleeping on your sofa or getting arrested somewhere near the intersection of Dogfish and Stone.

(Plus if you really want, you can use it as a mixer for your drinking friends.)

Full post and recipe over at KSK. (52 new recipes this season!)

Super Bowl Recipe Month: Cajun Seasoned Sausage Rolls And Deep Dish Pizza at KSK 1 Feb 2013 7:14 AM (12 years ago)

Weâ€ve nearly reached the end of Super Bowl Recipe Month here at KSK, so hopefully by now youâ€ve come up with some semblance of a plan for this Sundayâ€s game. No? Donâ€t feel bad. I havenâ€t either.

A friend of mine asked me the other day if I was going to post a gumbo recipe for since New Orleans was hosting the Super Bowl. I sent her in the direction of the gumbo recipe I posted a couple of years ago when the Saints played the Colts in the Super Bowl in battle of New Orleans gumbo versus Indianapolis sugar pie, so if youâ€re looking for Cajun-style gumbo go here. (And if youâ€re looking for a sugar pie recipe, bless you and your diabetes.) You can also check out this recipe for both a traditional and a New Orleans-style Pimmâ€s Cup click here. I personally love Pimmâ€s Cups and their Italian cousins the Americano made with Campari, so if youâ€re looking for lower-alcohol drinks for your Super Bowl party, youâ€re much better off serving a drink that is a nod to the host city than say, oh, a Miller 64.

Still want to make something more traditional but want a hint of something Cajun? The same spices work in most meat dishes, like sausage rolls.

What does a deep dish pizza have to do with New Orleans? Nothing unless you want to get into the history of jazz music in America and make a tenuous connection through that route. But itâ€s the Super Bowl, you might want pizza you make at home and you might be having an intimate gathering or just your family around and this pizza is perfect for such occasions.

Full post and recipes at KSK.

Super Bowl Recipe Month: Dip Spectacular! 28 Jan 2013 1:33 PM (12 years ago)

You may not make a single snack all season for football, slogging through bags of Bugles and Pirate Booty, but you’re probably going to make a dip for the Super Bowl. You may order pizza every week, go to Taco Bell and buy box of Dos Locos Mocos Frocos Supreme Tacos, but you will probably make a dip next weekend. You may only eat microgreens salads and lemon vinaigrette every day of the week to stay healthy, but if you see a dip at a party and your 49ers are down a field goal, you are going to inhale an entire platter of Creamy Hot Hoagie Dip to calm your nerves.

It’s one of the best foods for football watching and tailgating. You better start planning now.

This year’s Dip Spectacular! — the exclamation point is mandatory — is a mix of new recipes and ones from the archives that are proven hits. Some of the old ones have been tweaked here and there, tastes and techniques that have been improved with time and repeated experimentation, a couple I always get requests for from readers, and ones that are frankly my own personal favorites.

Dozens of dip recipes over at KSK.

Super Bowl Recipe Month: Shrimp Rolls at KSK 28 Jan 2013 12:45 PM (12 years ago)

Even though Iâ€m not a huge lobster fan, but I do enjoy a nice lobster roll with a beer and a game and lobster rolls have been on the master list of Football Foodie posting ideas for at least two or three years now. The problem with lobster rolls is even if you love your snacks and you love your friends, unless you live in Maine or Alaska itâ€s pretty expensive to procure quality lobster for a few pals, much less a dozen hungry football fans. (Maybe if the Patriots were still in the Super Bowl and you and your friends are from New England and really wanted to splurge on lobster rolls so it felt authentic you could justify the cost BUT THEYâ€RE NOT SO HA HA HA HA YOU CAN HAVE PLEBEIAN SNACKS WITH THE REST OF US.)

Shrimp rolls on the other hand are a great snack that donâ€t take a lot of effort to make, nor will they break your tailgating budget. Lemon and herbs bring out the best in shrimp (as they do lobster), a bit of crunch from the celery, touch of heat from the cayenne, peppery arugula and buttery bread.

Full post and recipe over at KSK.

Super Bowl Recipe Month: Beer Cheese Soup & Kielbasa Potato Bake 18 Jan 2013 10:57 PM (12 years ago)

Super Bowl Recipe Month: Beer Cheese Soup and Kielbasa Potato Bake

It happens every season. Youâ€re cruising along at the end of the regular season, through divisional weekend and then suddenly it hits you, holy hell there are only three football games left. Where did it all go? Really? This is it? It hardly seems fair, we were just getting started after that great divisional weekend. How about we play into the Super Bowl round-robin style so we can get more games? No? Well, it never hurts to ask. (Okay, four games with the Pro Bowl. I like the Pro Bowl and even I donâ€t count it as a remaining game of the 2012-2013 season.)

If youâ€re like I am when it comes to the end of the season, you want to hold on as long as you can. Normally I can only take sports talk radio in small doses. Super Bowl month? All day, all night, yelling at the speakers when someone calls into “Moving the Chains”  or whatever show happens to be running at the time, leaving the NFL Network on in the background, actually buying a physical copy of Sports Illustrated to sit and read in quiet without the distraction of the internet.

I wish I could embed it here, but the NFL keeps the good stuff on lockdown, so Iâ€m just going to link to the video, NFL Films Presents: Best Shots From 2012. Enjoy the extra seven minutes of football while you can.

Beer Cheese Soup and Kielbasa Potato Bake

This is a good one-two punch if youâ€re looking for recipes for the Conference Championship games. You can make a rich, cheesy soup filled with vegetables, herbs and spices for the 49ers-Falcons game and at the same prep an easy one-dish meal or side of hearty kielbasa, potatoes and peppers for Ravens-Pats that all you have to do is throw in the oven. Canâ€t think of an easier way to entertain this Sunday.

Full post and recipes over on KSK.

Super Bowl Recipe Month: Arayes, Quesadilla’s Delicious Middle Eastern Cousin at KSK 17 Jan 2013 11:48 AM (12 years ago)

One of my favorites so far this season.

You watch enough football, you go to enough bars, at this point youâ€ve probably had your fill of quesadillas. Too much meat and too much cheese or not enough meat and not enough cheese. Greasy and fried in butter or dry as a bone. We like to think the quesadilla is a pretty safe menu options when we head out with friends to watch the game, more often than not they fall short. You can make quesadillas at home, but they take a fair amount of work and need some serious attention while grilling — is cheese melting, have I burned the tortilla — which isnâ€t the best combination when dealing with tight windows of time during the playoffs and the Super Bowl.

What if I told you there was a quesadilla-like snack thatâ€s easier to make? Full of beef and lamb, onions and tomatoes, warm spices like cinnamon, sweet paprika and allspice, with hints of cumin, nutmeg and coriander? That you could grill, bake or fry? That you could even prep ahead of time and cook when ready?

Let me introduce you to one of my favorite new football snacks of the 2012-2013 season, arayes.

Youâ€ve probably seen arayes on the menu of your local shawarma and falafel joint, but probably never bothered to order them, too distracted by the giant spits of lamb and beef marinating and the dozens of whole roasted chickens take up entire ovens. Youâ€re missing out, theyâ€re possibly one of the greatest snack foods around.

Full post and recipe over at KSK.

Super Bowl Recipe Month: Pizza Gougeres, Ficelle, Oven Roasted Gnocchi, Tortellini Salad at KAK 11 Jan 2013 10:21 AM (12 years ago)

Maybe this Super Bowl season you want to class things up a bit. Or maybe you just need a break from giant subs, heavy pizza, fried ravioli and a bowl of potato chips. Or maybe youâ€re like my friend ‘Fesser who emailed me the other day looking for recipes that would work for the Texans-Pats game and for the Golden Globes later in the evening.

Fortunately for my friend I already had a few items up my sleeve for this month that fit his request perfectly. Ficelles, thin French sandwiches typically made with only a few ingredients, these small bites are easily made in batches for an impressive sandwich platter. Roasted gnocchi with rosemary make for unusual addition to party buffet instead of a bowl of nuts. Tortellini for a much more satisfying pasta salad, especially when tossed with wilted spinach and pearl-sized balls of soft mozzarella.

My favorite new treat this season? Pizza gougeres, an Italian take on a classic French cheese puff. Easier to make than you think and incredibly addicting just out of the oven.

Full post and recipes over at KSK.

Super Bowl Recipe Month: Throwback Week at KSK 11 Jan 2013 9:39 AM (12 years ago)

Around the playoffs and leading up to the Super Bowl, we start seeing and hearing more of the old NFL Films highlight reels from the â€60s and â€70s. The urgent, uptempo orchestral music, the grainy film, the Cowboys, Dolphins, Raiders and the Steelers.

I was watching one of those highlight reels over the summer and decided like how teams bring back old jerseys, maybe I should bring back some old snack and side recipes this season. They were a hit. Not fussy, just reminders to the parties our parents used to through when we were very little, of the snacks our aunts brought to picnics and tailgates, the salad our grandmothers always made.

In some cases, some of us are still making this type of classic entertainment fare. My friend Becky emailed for advice on how to jazz up a dip her mother has been making for decades the other week and I had to laugh, it was the most â€70s of dips Iâ€d ever seen. Ritz crackers, cheese, clams; I would not been have surprised to seen V05 and Halston listed with the rest of the ingredients in her dip. (Speaking of Becky and the most â€70s things, she contributed a great mango and chipotle guacamole recipe last year to my Super Bowl Guacamole Extravaganza that I refer to as The Velvet Glove of Guacs. Go check it out, itâ€s really good.)

For todayâ€s Throwback Football Foodie, we have a classic macaroni salad, deli roll ups and a stuffed baguette, some of the most appropriate foods to spill all over your Larry Csonka Dolphin jersey.

Full post and recipes over at KSK!

Super Bowl Recipe Month: White Chicken Chili and Deli Chopped Salad at KSK 4 Jan 2013 4:50 PM (12 years ago)

Itâ€s hard to admit, but Iâ€m a little jealous of Uffordâ€s Twenty Reasons To Hate The Redskins post and everyone else that gets to have the fiery-hot irrational hate against rival playoff teams this weekend. Sure, there are nerves and weak stomachs to temper the hate, but the laser-focused hate that comes out during the playoffs is to experience a maniacal giddiness that has no place outside of the sports world. Fans who donâ€t have teams in the playoffs will politely say watching the games without stress is freeing, that they can just relax and enjoy the games. Itâ€s a lie. No matter who wins, you have a reason from sometime back in your clubâ€s history to hate each and every other team. Even the Texans have been around long enough to be annoying in their own way (David Carr, actual Texans in Houston). Without a team in the playoffs, Iâ€m stuck with this ball of nebulous dislike and disdain.

Rationalization sets in and you spend your during the games thinking of not who you want to win, but who you can live with winning. Seahawks? If they win now, will their fans finally shut up about Super Bowl XL? Bengals? Nick Lachey Super Fan for weeks. Atlanta? A win for popped collars everywhere. Broncos or Ravens? Green Bay ? No way. Pats? Well, they just lost the Super Bowl so maybe itâ€s okay if they win this one. Maybe. Colts? Vikings? Perhaps. I will have to reserve final judgement until after this weekend, because in Los Angeles, a city without a team, itâ€s easy to separate the wheat from the chaff for which fan base youâ€re going to be able to live with for the next year.

Full post and recipes for White Chicken Chili and Deli Chopped Salad On Croutons over at KSK. Love this white chicken chili recipe!

Super Bowl Recipe Month Kickoff At KSK: Skirt Steak Sandwiches With Caramelized Onions And Gorgonzola Sauce, Salt & Pepper Biscuit Bites and Giant Cherry Chocolate Chip Skillet Cookie 2 Jan 2013 6:57 PM (12 years ago)

Every season, I give the same speech to kickoff Super Bowl month, much like I give the same speech to kickoff the Football Foodie season in August. Why the same speech? Why do teams still listen to “Eye of the Tiger” thirty years later? Why do people still talk about Vince Lombardi’s Super Bowl II speech? Or quote Bear Bryant? Tradition. Because it fits. Because none one remembers that after Tom Landry said, “A winner never stops trying” he said, “to get the the front of the deli line.”

So with a few edits, this is this year’s Football Foodie Super Bowl snack speech.

Super Bowl Recipe Month Kickoff At KSK: Skirt Steak Sandwiches With Caramelized Onions And Gorgonzola Sauce, Salt & Pepper Biscuit Bites and Giant Cherry Chocolate Chip Skillet Cookie. Full post and recipes over there!

Warm Lentil Crostini – Football Foodie Coasts Into The Playoffs over at KSK 29 Dec 2012 9:10 AM (12 years ago)

It’s tough getting to the end of the regular season. If you’re a fan of an AFC team and your team hasn’t made the playoffs, you’re watching this weekend to see if your team ends on a high-note or with a high draft pick. For fans of NFC teams, this weekend revolves around Washington-Dallas, which is pretty much everyone’s nightmare. Or perhaps you’re a fan of raging garbage fires and are interested in seeing if the flames coming out of Ralph Wilson Stadium will reach the upper atmosphere.

In some ways though, a lazy Week 17 is a relief. Fantasy football is pretty much done aside of pick’em leagues and poorly run leagues which have their championship this weekend, so there isn’t the stress of starting Matt Ryan over RG III up until kickoff. There’s also something to be said for just watching Oakland-San Diego and seeing what shakes loose instead of Bengals-Ravens or Texans-Colts, four teams playing to avoid injury while not giving away their playoff playbooks.

Personally, I’m looking forward to an easy weekend of football. We’ve been traveling for nearly two weeks now; cross-country flights, 12 hours on the Pennsylvania Turnpike in a snow storm, going to the symphony, tailgating with my fantasy league and a hockey blogger in a Santa beard, cooking for my family, cooking for my in-laws, multiple bar outings with friends which — even as I type this post — have left my stomach and my head spinning. (It’s tough keeping up with Ape’s drinking, but I guess that shouldn’t be surprising. Apes are known for having quality livers.) I had planned on making one last spread of the season, but instead I think I’m to make something easy this Sunday to snack on. Crostini it is.

Full post and recipe for Warm Lentil Crostini is up over at KSK. Happy Week 17 everybody!

Tart Cranberry Deviled Eggs: Football Foodie Holiday Snacks at KSK 21 Dec 2012 9:14 AM (12 years ago)

I can’t put my finger on the exact date, but sometime during the Great Craft Cocktails and Brown Liquor Resurgence of the past five or six — maybe even seven, we’ve all been drinking so much it’s difficult to remember — years hard-boiled eggs and deviled eggs made a comeback, especially at bars that served craft cocktails and brown liquor. Not deviled eggs like your grandmother serves at Easter under a layer of paprika, but rather wasabi deviled goose eggs, Sriracha-blue cheese deviled eggs, truffle and chive deviled eggs, and petite smoked salmon deviled quail eggs.

Their sudden ubiquity is not without merit. Deviled eggs are a perfect compliment to drinking, protein with a touch of salt, and are just as good with a heavy beer or bracing cocktail as they are with a glass of sparkling wine. (Not that I ever drink prosecco with football. But just in case it’s around. For brunch. Okay maybe sometimes. Often.)

Deviled eggs are also ridiculously easy to make and incredibly difficult to mess up, which is important this time of year when you don’t have the time nor the energy to make a complicated snack for football. There is still shopping to do, you’ve got relatives over that don’t like football and you’re trying to entertain them while watching Eli versus Ed Reed and why YES it is very interesting that second-cousin Shirley got that job in Nebraska and YES it may make next Thanksgiving more difficult to plan and NO I don’t think the neighbors put up more Christmas lights than usual and NO I haven’t heard there is a Whole Foods going in there and WHY is it again I can’t feed this toddler bourbon so they’ll stop crying about the Grinch video AND DID ANYONE AT LEAST SEE A SCORE FOR THE VIKINGS-TEXANS GAME?

Exactly. Not a lot of time for snack making for football.

Full recipe for Tart Cranberry Deviled Eggs over at KSK today.

Kung Pao Chicken Egg Rolls at KSK 14 Dec 2012 1:49 PM (12 years ago)

About this time of year, among all the holiday baking, I start to think about what sort of food I want to have during the playoffs and for the bigger bowl games. (Sorry Music City Bowl, youâ€re not on the list of snack-worthy events.) Hearty snacks that are easy to make and can be made ahead of time if needed. People love Kung Pao chicken and they love egg rolls, and few things are better on game days than a finger food made for some serious munching. (As I have said many times before, I am a nervous eater so crunchy things like egg rolls are perfect for the playoffs.) The heat from the peppers goes with great with beer while the meatiness of the peanuts help round out the egg rolls.

Donâ€t get hung up on if this is a traditional Kung Pao recipe, itâ€s not. There is no need to rush out for Shaoxing wine or black vinegar, you can use cooking sherry and rice wine or white wine vinegar just fine. If you have access to Asian facing heaven peppers, go ahead and use them for your red chiles. If you donâ€t, use the small thin dried red chiles you can find in most grocery stores, often labeled “Asian chiles” or “Chile Japones.” And if youâ€re really in a pinch, you can use a couple of teaspoons of dried red chili flakes in place of the dried chiles, but they donâ€t have the same richness and “pop” as freshly sliced chiles. I use eight chiles in my egg rolls and they have a fair amount of heat, but if you like your food even hotter, you can add in one or two more without ruining the Kung Pao.

Full post and recipe for  Kung Pao Chicken Egg Rolls: Football Foodie Hearty Snacks is over at KSK.

Probably one of my favorite recipes of the year. Looks like a lot of work, but comes together surprising quickly with a ton of favor out of only a few ingredients.

Peter King Shrimp for Allagash White: Football Foodie Matchups at KSK 7 Dec 2012 12:51 PM (12 years ago)

Awhile back a reader asked if I could post a recipe that would pair with Peter Kingâ€s beloved Allagash White, the craft Belgiam-style white ale. Witbiers often get knocked around by beer snobs thanks to the mass production of beers like Blue Moon, but Allagash puts out a decent white ale. Personally, I prefer their Curieux strong ale which is barrel aged in old bourbon casks, but this recipe isnâ€t about my tastes, itâ€s about PKâ€s beer.

If you cannot get your hands on Allagash White, look in the import section for Blanche De Bruxelles. This Belgiam white aleâ€s iconic label features the image of little boy pissing, styled after a famous fountain in — you guessed it –  Brussels, which has many fine Starwoods for you to stay in if you want to join the throng of tourists who pose with the statue. I actually had a chance visit Brussels last year to see some friends living abroad and it was quite lovely. And while we stayed in a Sofitel and not a Starwood, our stay was still very pleasant. Went to the museum of music instruments, had one of the best meals of my life in a small French restaurant next a farm in a village just outside of Waterloo, got drunk, saw a mini pony. Just lovely. Both of my friends living there talked about the extreme lengths they went to see American football, traveling halfway across the country to find a bar open for the Super Bowl. My good friend Andrea even had a secondary satellite hookup that allowed her to get the Middle Eastern sports package, which was the only way she could watch Steeler games on a regular basis.

But I digress, just as one does when making a recipe styled around Peter King.

Full recipe for Peter King Shrimp for Allagash White Pairing over at KSK.

Scacciata: Stromboli’s and Calzone’s Sicilian Cousin: Football Foodie at KSK 30 Nov 2012 11:47 AM (12 years ago)

Team bye weeks ended last weekend, but because of the extended Thanksgiving schedule of Thursday games, this will be the first weekend in two months weâ€ll have the complete slate to watch on Sunday. Glorious. Full schedule, almost every game has playoffs implications (sorry Chiefs fans), fantasy football is in the playoffs, college football starts cannibalizing itself fighting over coaches and bowl games, David Beckham and possibly Landon Donovan play their last games with the Galaxy in the MLS Cup*; just listing how great football is in December causes me to hear “Itâ€s The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year” in my head.

Youâ€re going to need a hearty snack to get you through the weekend.

Scacciata: Stromboliâ€s and Calzoneâ€s Sicilian Cousin

Even the most adamant Team Pizza fans needs a break from heavy sauce, meat and cheese during the season, but there is nothing quite like tearing into warm dough with a cold beer while watching football. Enter the scacciata, a Sicilian variation of a calzone. Heavy on the vegetables and lighter on the cheese and meat, the layers of favor in a scacciata offer a more complex bite than just your ordinary pizza. Potatoes add heft, shaved onions and fennel play off each other in a sweet and savory delight, spinach and broccoli add brightness, spicy sausage adds heat and depth, while the provolone and a touch of olive oil meld everything together.You can add whatever vegetables you like to a scacciata; peppers, eggplant, but if they are rather watery be sure to cook them down a bit before baking. Want olives? Add olives. Want your scacciata to be even spicier? Sprinkle on red pepper flakes along with the salt and pepper. Second sausage? Sure, but donâ€t add more than two or it gets too oily during baking. A little sauce? Yes, fine. Just a few dabs here or there. Add too much and you may as well make a calzone.

Full post and recipe for scacciata over at KSK.

Super easy and great on game dayes.

Tapatio Lemon Chips, Thanksgiving Leftovers and Pimento Cheese: Football Foodie Shortcuts at KSK 23 Nov 2012 9:33 AM (12 years ago)

A quick and easy recipe for Tapatio Lemon Kettle Chips, Pimento Cheese Awareness Month and what to do with your Thanksgiving leftovers over at KSK today. Oh yeah, and a picture of a Texans Pecan Pie you’re not going to want to miss.

Come play!

Roasted Butternut Squash Sage Dip and Savory Mushroom Pithiviers: Football Foodie Thanksgiving at KSK 16 Nov 2012 11:59 AM (12 years ago)

Two sorts of Thanksgiving diners, ones who believe in eating early and having leftovers again later in the day and those who donâ€t have their celebration until late afternoon or evening. The former means getting up at 5 am to start roasting a turkey, the latter means torturing yourself with cups of nuts as not to spoil the feast. It also means considering going through the early game of Houston-Detroit — and perhaps even Washington-Dallas, depending on your time zone — without having a snack.

Nonsense. Youâ€re going to need game time snacks that can feed a crowd and also not spoil your appetite, and perhaps one that is relatively healthy. Ones that compliment the autumn table. Earthy tastes of mushrooms, herbs and wine, warm butternut squash and sage spiced with cayenne and chili.

Roasted Butternut Squash and Sage Dip and Savory Mushroom Pithiviers recipes over at KSK today. Love the “dip” recipe so much, I made it again last night just to have on a raining Thursday Night Football game while I typed up the post.

Enjoy!

Fun with Peter King over at KSK 12 Nov 2012 12:48 PM (12 years ago)

Pundit (Or Whatever Youâ€d Call What He Does) of the Week Nate Silver, FiveThirtyEight Blog, New York Times.

“Statistician” is such a complicated concept, especially for someone who has worked in sports as long as Peter King has.

Iâ€ve got a new found respect for Mike, Drew and Jack for doing this column over inthe years now that Iâ€ve done one myself.  Lordy, a NANOWRIMO contains less filler.

Anyway, come play.

Peter King And The Quirkiest Game Of The Year

Chorizo Stuffed Sweet Potato Skins: Football Foodie at KSK 9 Nov 2012 9:38 AM (12 years ago)

Chorizo Stuffed Sweet Potato Skins is the Football Foodie recipe this week over at KSK. It’s easily one of my favorite new recipes this season, so be sure to check it out.

Plus I make a bunch jokes about Rob Gronkowski talking to an astronaut, and really, how often does that opportunity come around?

NFL Ballots: Over at KSK 5 Nov 2012 6:52 AM (12 years ago)

Just one of five ballots I propose football fans can vote on this election day, over on KSK.

Kolokythokeftedes with Lemon Dill Greek Yogurt Dip: Football Foodie Fritters Away at KSK 2 Nov 2012 10:50 AM (12 years ago)

As snack-loving football fans, itâ€s easy to grow tired mozzarella sticks all the time. Usually everyone can agree to split a basket of them at a bar — even the worst dives can make a decent block of fried cheese — as a perfunctory pre-snack before ordering a sandwich or some wings. Making them at home usually ends with middling results for the amount of effort that goes into them and ready-to-bake frozen mozzarella sticks are never as satisfying as when ordered out.

And yet, there is few treats we look forward to more on game days as a melty, cheesy bite of sorts. Over the last couple of seasons Iâ€ve been making Seared Queso Blanco at home in place of mozzarella sticks, but this year has been all about the Greek kolokythokeftedes. Bright zucchini, salty feta, fresh bits of dill, parsley and mint come together and offer the right balance of crunch and soft chewy texture we crave in our football snacks. You can pair kolokythokeftedes with a tzatziki sauce if you like, but I prefer this pared down version of a lemon dill dip, the extra kick from the lemon zest pulling all the flavors together in sharp relief.

Kolokythokeftedes with Lemon Dill Greek Yogurt Dip over at KSK, along with pulling out all the racist comments on CSN Philly being thrown at Jason Babin.

(I have no idea what calling someone a “chinchila face” even means.)

No baseball, no hockey, no basketball: It’s good to be the king – KSK 28 Oct 2012 10:22 PM (12 years ago)

Savor this day, fans. Take a picture of yourself with your cellphone and email it to yourself for later so you can remember how happy you looked on this very special day. Suck the marrow out of Monday, October 29, 2012; let the juice run down your chin and lick its fatty richness off of your fingers. Today is only for football and today is for us to feel like gods.

 No baseball, No hockey, No basketball: Itâ€s Good To Be The King over at KSK.

Slow Cooked Turkey Sandwiches with Spicy Remoulade Sauce: Football Foodie Sandwiches at KSK 26 Oct 2012 12:50 PM (12 years ago)

Today in the Football Foodie on the road, Slow Cooked Turkey Sandwiches with Spicy Remoulade Sauce recipe over at KSK.

One way to make a great turkey breast for sandwiches is by salting the meat like you would cure pork for bacon. The so-called “dry-brining” technique of prepping poultry is one of the easiest and most effective ways of making sure your turkey or chicken comes out succulent and moist. A method first popularized by Judy Rodgers at her Zuni Cafe in San Francisco, her salt rub style was featured in Cookâ€s Illustrated in the mid-aughts and it revolutionized the way home cooks prepared their holiday turkeys. No longer did people have to wrestle with giant pots of salted water taking up their entire refrigerators, the salt alone could redistribute the birdâ€s own natural juices while slightly changing the structural make-up of the meat so it would retain even more valuable water during cooking. (For the record, I was never a wet-brine fan. I would always make turkey with pounds of butter to keep it moist. With this method I donâ€t bother adding much fat, even when roasting a whole bird in the oven.)

And rather than worrying about constantly checking on a turkey in the oven on game day, why not just put everything in a slow cooker which is not only easier, it also ensures an extra juicy turkey. By going the extra yard of using a slow cooker which keeps all of the liquids in the pot instead cooking in a drying oven — good for crispy skin, bad for poultry — you get a firm, tender turkey without the typical dryness or mealiness.

The aromatic herbs, crisp white wine and mirepoix of onions, carrots and celery will steam their favor deep into the bird, its richness creating a perfect foil for the kick of remoulade.

The spicy, tangy remoulade sauce, the perfectly cooked turkey, juicy tomatoes and the crunch of lettuce make for an impressive fall sandwich spread that serves a crowd with little hands-on time for the game. Tailgating? This turkey refrigerates superbly once sliced if you want to make sandwiches at the game.

Serves 6-8.

Need more football watching-centric recipe ideas? Find the complete archive of Football Foodie recipes here.

Review of Goose: The Outrageous Life and Times of a Football Guy over at KSK 25 Oct 2012 5:22 PM (12 years ago)

There is a section early on in Will Leitchâ€s God Save The Fan that asserts that if the average fan had a chance to get to know a professional athlete on their favorite team, there is a good chance they wouldnâ€t have anything in common and they probably wouldnâ€t like each other too much.

I disagreed with the sentiment then (disclosure: I gave GSTF a moderately good review back in 2008) because I thought the reason fans and athletes were considered such different beings was due in part to the gatekeeper/journalistic wall built up between the two groups. In the years since the bookâ€s release, weâ€ve seen the rise of Twitter and some great interaction between athletes and their fans. There are now plenty of athletes fans have unfiltered access to and for the most part, itâ€s been rather endearing to see them being regular people who live-Tweet TV shows, post pictures of their cats and complain about the bad turkey sandwiches they had for lunch. Just the other day one of my friends was talking politics with Chris Kluwe like two regular people would and it didnâ€t seem weird at all. Of course the other side of the coin is that fans can insult players and their families nonstop and occasionally we find out yeah, that guy playing ball is really a jerk.

I couldnâ€t help but think of Leitchâ€s point while reading Tony Siragusaâ€s new book, Goose: The Outrageous Life and Times of a Football Guy. As a football fan, Siragusa had always been to me one of those larger-than-life caricatures with a voice and ego to match his impressive size. I only faintly remember his Pitt years, mostly just the trial he and a bunch of other players were involved in for a fight in Oakland — a topic he mentions only briefly in the book, and his time playing in the NFL is a blur of the Rich Gannon hit and the 2000 Super Bowl in my mind. Another loud Raven in a murder of loud Ravens. His retirement from the game has given us a clearer picture from the dudeâ€s dude of Man Cave construction and sideline reporting about what heâ€s seeing on the field as a former player, but clearly not an analyst, a role Siragusa rejects. Harmless, if a bit of a meathead. As an author telling supposedly hilarious stories about growing up, becoming a Super Bowl champion and a media personality, all I could think while reading Goose was, “Christ, what an asshole.”

My full review of Goose: The Outrageous Life and Times of a Football Guy is available over at KSK today.

Pizza Bloody Mary: Football Foodie Brunch at KSK 19 Oct 2012 10:58 AM (12 years ago)

Today in Football Foodie on the road, a Pizza Bloody Mary recipe over at Kissing Suzy Kolber

We’ve reached that awful point of the NFL season where there is an incredible imbalance on the Sunday schedule, a bunch of early games and then only two or three games with a 4 ET/1 PT kickoffs. This inequity drags on until after Thanksgiving, giving us plenty of weeks like this week where we only get Jets-Patriots and Jaguars-Raiders with the late start, which means you need to be ready for brunch drinking to handle the massive onslaught of early games. (And by onslaught, I mean the Texans-Ravens matchup gets my vote for Sunday morning, but I wouldn’t object to watching Washington-Giants or Browns-Colts.)

Earlier this season I had a chance to talk with Holly Anderson over at SI’s Campus Union about tailgating and she asked what were my favorite football snack and drink to have during a game. My answer was that they’re the same thing, a Bloody Mary. I’ve written many times about how I love watching football on the West Coast because you wake up and it’s game time and brunch time, which makes the Bloody Mary a perfect match for the early games. It’s restorative and energizing, the perfect mix of booze and savory juice to perk you up. Add a large enough garnish and you’ve pretty much got a meal in a glass. What could make your liquid meal even better? Have it be inspired by one of the greatest football snacks of all time, pizza.

Working on this cocktail was a labor of love, so go check it out. The results are worth it.

Me, elsewhere. 18 Oct 2012 6:07 PM (12 years ago)

Just a quick note, as some of you may of noticed, I’m posting more than just Football Foodie recipes over at KSK. Please feel free to come over and play along.

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And as it turns out, if you need someone to make a pie chart with an actual pie, I’m your gal. Check out How Many Pumpkin Items Are In This Trader Joe’s Flyer? A Pie Chart Pie Analysis over on The Awl.

Hot Bean and Chimichurri Dip, South American Choripans: Football Foodie Sauced at KSK 12 Oct 2012 11:25 AM (12 years ago)

Hot Bean and Chimichurri Dip and South American Choripan Sandwiches

A long day of football often calls for a hearty dip, especially if you don’t feel like mucking over a grill or with a fryer on a particular game day. This is an easy, filling baked bean dip that doesn’t require a lot of hands on time in the kitchen, leaving you plenty of time to wish you hadn’t benched that no-good crumb-bum Kenny Britt on your fantasy team. Adding chimichurri sauce to the beans not only brings a lot of extra flavor to the little legumes, it also works to thin out the mixture to make for easier chip scooping.

Before we start, a few words about chimichurri. There are a lot of bastardizations of chimichurri sauce out there. Some call for a cilantro or arugula, others throw in unnecessary ingredients like capers or onions, and too many call for the use of a food processor. No. Those recipes are not a classic chimichurri. This is not a South American pesto. This is a course, rich sauce meant to let the parsley and garlic shine with just a hint of heat from the red pepper flakes, the weight of the olive oil cut by the sharpness of the red wine vinegar, together creating a perfect balance that enhances the flavor of whatever you use it on; steak, eggs, on plain bread or in this case, on some beans as a dip.

The Football Foodie is on the road again this week, so join us over on KSK for some Hot Bean and Chimichurri Dip and South American Choripan Sandwiches

Some of the oil will separate to the bottom of the dish, keeping your beans moist and rich. Don’t worry about it. One of my friends calls that the “ring of awesome” around the dip.

Plus, it’s fun to be able to use “F Yeah South American Sandwiches” tag on another site.

As always for OG Football Foodie readers, Google Voice number available for emergency recipe questions and texts (323) 963-4756, 9 AM PT – 10 PM PT, Saturday and Sundays.

Need more football watching-centric recipe ideas? Find the complete archive of Football Foodie recipes here.

Introducing Instant Replay Jewelry: Jewelry made from old trading cards! 11 Oct 2012 12:21 PM (12 years ago)

Over the summer I started messing around making pendants out of old trading cards for me and my friends. It quickly turned into a hobby and now I’m selling them on Etsy at Instant Replay Jewelry.

More items to be uploaded soon, but here’s a start to get things going. Aside of the shop, you can always keep on eye out for new offerings here on the Instant Replay Jewelry page here on the mothership.

Except for the Andrew McCutchen one you see above. That’s mine. Kept in my purse when not around my neck.

Let’s go Bucs!

Deconstructed LA Street “Danger Dogs”: Football Foodie Future at KSK 5 Oct 2012 8:36 AM (12 years ago)

The LA street dog — or “danger dogs” as locals like to call them — are found at the ubiquitous hot dog carts that pop-up outside of bars at closing time, after Staples Center, Rose Bowl, Coliseum and Hollywood Bowl events, and even just on random street corners with heavy pedestrian foot traffic. The name “danger” comes from in part, well, the danger. These bacon-wrapped hot dogs are cooked on giant steel cookie sheets along side onions, green peppers and jalapenos over hot coals or sterno in shopping carts. If you’re lucky, the person making the dogs have coolers for their hot dogs, bacon and mayonnaise, but don’t be surprised to see everything that is going onto the pan in a large bag just behind the cart.

Sure, there are a few licensed hot dog vendors that sell LA’s version of a Sonoran dog, most notably around Santee Alley in the Fashion District downtown, and hip burger joints like 25 Degrees put fancy street dogs with queso fresco on their menu, but the best ones are the hot dogs that have been turned dozens, if not hundreds, of times on the street. You smell them first, the fatty bacon, the sweetness of the onions and peppers mixing with the smoke of the charcoal that could easily ignite the sidewalk around it. Then you hear the sellers call of, “hot dog, hot dog, hot dog” before you can even see them through the crowd, spinning the dogs with tongs in one hand while adding buns to the vegetable pile to steam with the other hand. Even the most ardent Whole Foods-shopping Angeleno cannot deny the intoxicating smell of the late-night danger dog. Why? Because they’re delicious and they hit all the right spots after a couple of beers; fatty, salty, crunchy and meaty. Which is to say, they’re perfect for watching football.

Except that they’re really hard to make at home.

And easier to LA street dogs (bacon wrapped hot dogs!) at home plus a detailed state of the union of what is going on with the building of Farmer’s Field downtown, the AEG sale, temporarily moving a team to the Rose Bowl and the City of Industry bid all over at Kissing Suzy Kolber today.

 As always for OG Football Foodie readers, Google Voice number available for emergency recipe questions and texts (323) 963-4756, 9 AM PT – 10 PM PT, Saturday and Sundays.

Roasted Lemon-Chili Corn: Football Foodie Fall 28 Sep 2012 12:41 PM (12 years ago)

Made the mistake of going to a sports bar last night to watch Browns-Ravens, which in itself isn’t bad, but we went to one of those chain places I try to avoid (their current ad campaign features a couple going to watch football baby and home brewer free) because frankly, while the food tastes fine enough after a few Jamesons, the salt and the regret just kill you the next day. I feel sluggish, my bra is tight from the water retention, and I’m experiencing the inner shame that goes along with knowing you ordered off a menu where the words “slammers” and “screamin'” make an appearance.

(Not that I should judge too harshly that place too harshly since I actually prefer the local sports bar that is named after a rooster’s enormous penis.)

As for the actual game, I owe a small apology to Browns fans everywhere. When another member of our party showed up late, I excitedly described how great it was that Greg Little had only had a two drops in the game so far — some sort of Greg Little record, and not just two minutes later he dropped a sure touchdown at the goal line.

The real apology is due from coach Pat Shurmur, who should have benched him in the first place.

Roasted Lemon-Chili Corn

I meant to post this during the Football Foodie opening week grilling series, but somehow I completely forgot to include it in the kickoff. No matter, it’s still really warm  in much of the country — 101º in LA this weekend! — so the first frost hasn’t hit and we’re all still getting great corn for tailgating.

If you grew up in a Midwest/Mid-Atlantic household like mine, the only way you had corn on the cob growing up was husked, boiled in water in the kitchen while everything else was on the grill and then served with about three pounds of butter and salt. (We had one neighbor who put out a separate stick of butter on the table for people to spin their cobs in at the table.) It’s nonsense, corn on the cob shouldn’t be about laboriously husking cold ears, scrubbing with a brush and then using up six gallons of water when there is a perfectly good fire going outside. Corn on the cob is easy, tasty and doesn’t need a lot of fat to make it taste delicious.

My preferred way is similar to the “Mexican” style of corn on the cob, but I like to leave off the cilantro and the cojita cheese crumbs since the herb’s floral notes often overpower the tenderness of the corn and the cojita really isn’t doing too much other than providing saltiness. I like lemon over lime just because for a slightly fresher taste and because our shared lemon tree is usually overgrowing with fruit this time of year, so if you prefer limes to lemons, feel free to go for it.

Not grilling? Roast the corn the same exact way in a 350º oven for about thirty minutes.

You will need:

8 ears of corn, in husk, end with silks cut off
Juice from one large lemon, (approximately 4-6 tablespoons)
2 tablespoons butter, melted
1 teaspoon kosher salt
1 teaspoon chili powder

Rinse corn, leave in husk

Over medium heat on the grill, cook for about 30 minutes until steamed through. (The corn should no longer feel hard and instead should be rather plump with some spring to it when squeezed.)

While the corn is grilling, melt the butter and mix together with the lemon juice, chili powder and salt.

Once the corn is done, peel back husks and corn silk and discard. Brush with ears of corn with the lemon-butter-chili mixture and grill until slightly charred on all sides.

You might also like: Poblano Veggie White Bean Chili.

Google Voice number available for emergency recipe questions and texts (323) 963-4756, 9 AM PT – 10 PM PT, Saturday and Sundays.

Roasted Garlic Cheese Spread: Fancy Football Foodie 27 Sep 2012 11:25 AM (12 years ago)

Is everyone done popping champagne bottles for the return of the replacement refs? Still walking around and flexing your Hochuli’s in celebration? Little extra bounce in your step knowing you won’t lose serious money over a blown call and can relax knowing in the future you will only lose serious money on your own poor gambling choices and blown calls made by professionals? Understandable. The end of the NFL Referees Association lockout is good news for football fans and today should be a day of rejoicing.

Should be a day of rejoicing.

Selfishly, I’d rather be rejoicing tomorrow after we got in one last game with the replacement refs. The fact that tonight’s game is between the Browns and the Ravens is a complete coincidence, I swear.

Roasted Garlic Cheese Spread

Over the years I’ve found sometimes it’s good to have a snack that it a little more substantial than chips and dip between a big football brunch and the late-afternoon or evening football meal. Items that satiate small nagging hunger without spoiling your appetite later. Luxurious creamy French cheese infused with the flavors of roasted garlic, herbs and crisp white wine spread over crostini or crackers fit the bill perfectly, and if you’re watching the game with your in-laws, makes your game day feel a little classier than the usual canned-salsa-in-Velveeta routine.

You will need:

6-8 ounces soft or semi-soft French cheese, such as Camembert, Saint Albray, Boursault or Port Salut depending on cheese preference
3-4 cloves garlic, peeled
1 tablespoon olive oil, divided
2 tablespoons dry white wine, such as Pinot Grigio, Sauvignon Blanc
kosher salt and cracked pepper
small bunch of chives (optional)

Preheat oven to 350º.

Set the cheese out soften a bit before mixing.

Make a small foil packet to hold the cloves of garlic, 1/2 tablespoon olive oil and a generous pinch of kosher salt. Roast the garlic for 15-20 minutes until just lightly toasted. Remove from the oven and allow to cool for a couple of minutes.

Once the garlic has cooled a bit, chop together the roasted garlic, cheese, dash of cracked pepper and salt in a food processor. Add the chives and slowly blend in the white wine. After the wine has been incorporated into the cheese, blend in the remaining olive oil until smooth.

You can serve the cheese right away, but I prefer to return the cheese spread to the refrigerator and let the flavor develop for at least an hour or two. (If making ahead of time, don’t blend the cheese and wine together more than 24 hours in advance.)

Serve with crostini or crackers.

You might also like: Dips and Spreads collection.

Google Voice number available for emergency recipe questions and texts (323) 963-4756, 9 AM PT – 10 PM PT, Saturday and Sundays.

Happy retirement, Endeavour 21 Sep 2012 11:32 AM (12 years ago)

Stood way up on the hill behind our place in the heat for 45 minutes; sanitation worker stopped and waited with me for a bit, he had heard on his radio it was almost by, a pool guy from Palmdale stopping at a house said he just heard on the radio is was nearing Malibu and gave the Spaniel a treat, heard the initial turn, kept waiting, kept checking to see if my phone would get a signal so I could see where it was at, some guy with an enormous camera walked by and said it was already gone, headed home, was taking off my shoes when I heard it circle back around. Grabbed my camera ran outside and this was the best I could get in five seconds. Glad I didn’t miss it.

Let’s keep going to space.