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My mind is almost too full to think of bacon 16 Aug 2013 | 07:53 am
Things I would rather be thinking about right now: * A giant bouquet of Stargazer Lilies * Chocolate * Why Mickey Mouse never farts in front of Pluto * The perfect recipe for fettucine alfredo * ...
Antimatter pizza, purchased with an antimatter Visa... 9 Aug 2013 | 06:48 am
Things we should invent: * Antimatter Bacon Double Cheeseburger: For every one you eat, it subtracts 700 calories from the other stuff you ate. We should also have antimatter fries and a totally awe...
Parts of the lesser-known rainbow 2 Aug 2013 | 07:23 am
Crayola color names that were rejected because they were too long to fit on the crayon: * Red frustration of still being on dial-up when everyone else has ultra-fast broadband connections * Weird gr...
Because it's hard to wear bubble wrap and deodorant at the same time 26 Jul 2013 | 08:24 am
Things I have not yet worn while visiting the state of Indiana: * Skirt made entirely of Doritos * Pink underwear * Aluminum foil * Combat boots * Bubble wrap * Bandages Things I HAVE worn whi...
It's too hot to think of a title for this post 19 Jul 2013 | 06:44 am
"What does this key do?" Fluffy asked. "It's called 'delete'," Purrsy explained. "If you stand on it long enough, it erases everything the human just typed." Fluffy purred and walked across the ke...
See that glow on the horizon? That's me. 12 Jul 2013 | 07:31 am
Two bad reasons to have x-rays done: 1. Hoping that eventually you'll glow in the dark enough to serve as a night light, which will significantly reduce your electric bill 2. Waiting for those sup...
Yay for McFame! 9 Jul 2013 | 07:59 am
This post was originally written on the back of a McDonalds receipt. I kept the receipt in my wallet for awhile, and this evening I decided to give it to one of the managers there. He loved it. App...
Luckily, one and nine go together nicely 5 Jul 2013 | 06:00 am
Things I like better than fireworks: 1. Sleeping as late as I want 2. Seeing lower gas prices 3. R.E.M. 4. Scratching an itch 5. Ice cream with an embarrassing amount of hot fudge and peanut butt...
Larger ketchup cups would also be nice 30 Jun 2013 | 04:34 am
My Personal McUtopia: 1) Free refills on all Mocha Frappes 2) McAspirin: Possibly fattening and addictive but we will NEVER have headaches again. 3) Bacon McNuggets 4) Permanent stream of 80's mu...
At least it doesn't involve anything flammable 28 Jun 2013 | 07:19 am
"I feel like I'm forgetting something." "Did you forget to feed the cats?" "Evidence in the litterbox would suggest otherwise." "Did you forget to squeal like a 43-year-old adolescent everytime an ...
