#160: Don’t Get A Dog 29 Jul 2012 | 04:11 am

What is it that makes middle-aged women not only run out en masse and get dogs, but become more attached to their dogs than to, say, their husbands and children? Never mind, don’t answer that, I know ...

#159: Don’t Talk To Strangers 23 Feb 2012 | 06:16 pm

Want to make your kids so embarrassed by you that their faces burst into flames and they attempt to sink right down into the grime-covered floor? Then go to a restaurant with them, spend some time act...

#158: Defy Expectations 18 Jan 2012 | 11:45 am

As How Not To Act Old dictates go, this one is a tad sanctimonious, a bit fifty-and-fantabulous, a little “Yeah, you old, but you still got the mojo, Mama!” And you know, we don’t buy that bullshit ar...

#157: Don’t Fear the Wrong 5 Jul 2011 | 03:34 am

Some old people, even some who are not my husband, are so afraid of being wrong — of feeling insecure, inexpert, foolish, stupid, whatever — that they work very hard at being right all the time. Or at...

#156: Downsize Your Dining Room 3 May 2011 | 01:24 am

During one of my random tours of Twitter the other day (how are you supposed to use that thing?), I happened to notice that @EpsteinLiterary, aka literary agent Kate Epstein, claimed she’d sold her ho...

#155: Don’t Read Mass Market Paperbacks 8 Apr 2011 | 02:54 am

OK, this may seem like an odd directive.  Why not: Don’t read trashy novels?  Or maybe: Don’t read any kind of fiction?  And wait a minute, didn’t you tell me way back at Number 42 that I wasn’t suppo...

#154: I’ve Decided: It’s “Don’t Dress Up” 13 Jan 2011 | 02:37 am

Despite the confusion the New York Times brought to this issue,  I’ve decided after much deliberation and observation that the official How Not To Act Old dictate should be “Don’t Dress Up.” The Evil ...

My Christmas Problem 22 Dec 2010 | 02:52 pm

#153: Don’t Fear Death 11 Nov 2010 | 12:52 pm

I went to the cemetery today with my badass friend Mary Jean: historic Green-Wood Cemetery in Brooklyn, not that far from where we met and became friends as young moms 25 years ago.  A few minutes int...

#152: Tear Up Those Theatre Tickets 13 Sep 2010 | 12:45 pm

It pains me to come clean about this, since, as a cultured person who cares about the future of art and wants to protect the finer entertainments — museums, the symphony, poetry, for Christ’s sake — a...