You and whose army? 12 Nov 2010 | 06:30 pm

 “The proper place for a gun is in the hands of a child,” huffs Kony as he leans forward, his snug uniform pulling up at the sleeves. He rubs his smooth hands together vigorously, rests his bare wrist...

Assorted musings from an inebriated Kim Jong Il 28 Apr 2010 | 06:16 pm

I was born on a holy mountain With a comet in the twilight sky And a rainbow shining out my ass I shit only diamonds And the KGB uses my piss As a truth agent. I won a gold medal in ejaculation And ...

An Elegant Beast 17 Dec 2009 | 02:20 pm

In a world full of pigs, you'd live by cliche; Oinking and squealing and stooling away. You'd shit on the floor, And piss on your kin; 'Cause in a world full of pigs, nobody wins. You'd be slaughter...

Thoughts on a Nietzschean Cockfight 11 Nov 2009 | 02:20 pm

I sit ringside, clutching a cardboard ticket in my sweaty right fist. My hands trace the thin lining in my coat pockets as I crush the once-sturdy paper into one-thousand little folds. I'm usually not...

Spam Poetry #1-4 16 Jul 2009 | 06:26 pm

#1)Your favorite weapon against bacterial infections Will go through your girl like a bulldozer. If you aren't a fan, you may unsubscribe; Try your luck. #2)Servicemembers and Veterans: We can help y...

Attaboy 5 Jun 2008 | 07:26 pm

Buddy, Chief, Junior, Sport, Bubba, Sparky, Ace, Kiddo, Chum, Slugger. Shorty, Son, Hoss, Scooter, Champ, Boss. Kemosabe, Tiger, Pal, Buster!

An ode to Beth Ditto 20 May 2008 | 05:01 pm

I once loved a fat girl But she proved to be a flake Some lose their friends to drug use I lost mine to cake :(

Paul the Pallbearer 24 Apr 2008 | 09:02 pm

Paul the Pallbearer Was a mesomorph terror The strongest man that I've known He bore the weight Of his corpulent mates But he could not carry his own With a shovel in hand Paul spat at the land As h...

Paging Dr. Drew 18 Mar 2008 | 09:19 am

Masturbation, Nimbus clouds, a day online, regressive tax John McCain, table for one, chase your vodka with Xanax They just shot Mandela in Pretoria Who cares? The side effects are "mild euphoria" A...

You Have to Start Somewhere. 3 Mar 2008 | 02:03 am