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Even Though the House is On Fire, We are Finishing this Game of Madden by Sam Pasternack 27 Aug 2013 | 04:01 pm
Yeah, Mom, we get it. The fire has already swept through 3 rooms in the house. I’m sure you’d be thrilled if Craig and I just stopped what we were doing to go outside and wait for the firemen to arriv...
Apocalypse of the Week: Body by Lucy Corin 27 Aug 2013 | 04:00 pm
After graduation, their daughter’s madness burst from her head full-grown. By the time she was pronounced dead of medications, she was bloated with fluids and bubble-wrapped in the watery light of the...
How to Play a John Bonham Drum Solo by Michael Fowler 26 Aug 2013 | 04:01 pm
The secret of playing a John Bonham drum solo lies in playing triplets. Triplets are sets of three things, so you want to hit the drum kit three times, and then three times again, over and over. Think...
Teddy Wayne’s Unpopular Proverbs: Supper by Teddy Wayne 26 Aug 2013 | 04:00 pm
After dinner, rest a while; after supper, walk a mile — hold on, which one is supper? Is that lunch, or is it actually dinner? Whenever people use the word “supper,” I always think they’re from some s...
Diablo, Lord of Terror, Hires a Contractor by James Norton 23 Aug 2013 | 04:01 pm
From: TheBigD@diablolordofhell.com To: aaron@aaronandsonscontracting.com Subject: HALLS OF AGONY I AM DIABLO, LORD OF TERROR, DESTROYER OF SOULS, THE FIRST AMONG THE EVILS OF HELL. ONE WEEK AGO, A ...
Open Letters: An Open Letter to the Lady at the Farmers’ Market and the Lady at the Apple Store Who Offered Me Their Unwanted Condolences for Expectin... 23 Aug 2013 | 04:00 pm
Dear Ladies, I don’t know you and you don’t me. Yet, when you noticed the basketball “hiding” under my shirt and asked if I knew the baby’s sex, and you learned that I already have a two-and-a-half-...
Getting a Head: Touring the World as a Giant Dancing Bear: The Missus by Daniel Falk 23 Aug 2013 | 04:00 pm
Over a year ago The Children’s Theatre Company won the rights to a very popular pre-teen girl-oriented cartoon, which for the sake of this article we’ll call The Fruit Show. The show promised to be a ...
Great Job! You Succeeded at Nothing, Here’s a Sticker! by Maureen Brown 22 Aug 2013 | 04:01 pm
Wow, you made it through kindergarten, what an accomplishment. Let’s throw a party and make you feel special, you deserve it after all you went through. Those were challenging times learning to figure...
An Excerpt from Wells Tower’s New Story in McSweeney’s 44! by McSweeney's 22 Aug 2013 | 04:00 pm
NOW IS THE TIME! (TO SIGN UP FOR McSWEENEY’S 44) It’s not every year that we get to release a palindromic-numbered edition of our quarterly—and with this next one, out in just a few weeks, we’ve tak...
Interviews With People Who Have Interesting or Unusual Jobs: Mega Church Rent-a-Cop by Suzanne Yeagley 22 Aug 2013 | 03:59 pm
Q: What makes something a mega church, rather than just a normal church? A: The campus is huge, and the congregation is too, but what defines a mega church is not only the size of the building and la...
