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5 Reasons All Children Should Drink (and As Soon As Possible) 29 Aug 2012 | 11:52 pm
America has a MAJOR problem. Our children don’t drink. Consequently, they grow up fascinated by the mystique of alcohol and, at first opportunity, go out and act like jackasses on spring break, playin...
6 Reasons Child Labor is the Only Labor worth Having 1 Aug 2012 | 06:04 am
People always talk about 6-year-olds working in coal mines like that was a bad thing. But those tunnels were narrow; a grown-up would have gotten stuck. That’s called problem-solving, y’all. Did thes...
10 Ways to Punish Your Kids (Without Leaving Bruises) 26 Apr 2012 | 05:01 am
Punishment is a tricky subject to discuss with most parents. While some think a belt’s secondary purpose is to keep pants up, others feel that mere sarcasm warrants a CPS visit (those people, of cour...
8 Must-Have Children’s Books 20 Mar 2012 | 08:31 am
If you’re a good parent (like yours truly), you encourage your child to read as much as possible. Books teach such valuable lessons! They shape our world views, strengthen our moral convictions and ...
7 Must-Dos When Preparing Your Kid for Kindergarten 4 Feb 2012 | 08:15 am
Starting elementary school is an alarming, unrelenting descent into hell for many kids. They go from the loving cocoon of parental affection to a place where breaking a crayon could get a bitch cut (...
How to Make Your Kid a Serial Killer in 3 Easy Steps 13 Jan 2012 | 08:36 am
Some parents dream of their child being president. Others imagine their kid’s professional baseball career or tenure as a NASA scientist. Me? I dream my son – my beautiful, bright-eyed boy – will b...
“Friday” Turns Teeny-Bopper Dreams into a National Joke 29 Jun 2011 | 10:22 am
I have just experienced the most mind-numbingly painful moments of my life. No, I did not experience some odd medical phenomena that turned me into a human vegetable. But I did just listen to music th...
Laughing Babies Cute…or Evil? 29 Apr 2011 | 10:16 am
You may think this is nonsense, but we here at Sampa have found indisputable proof that babies, especially the cute ones that you want to take home with you, are evil demons slowly taking over our sou...
Taco Bell + Doritos = Best/Worst Taco Ever 15 Apr 2011 | 05:53 am
The creators of the fourth meal just made your drunken teenage fantasy come alive. Taco Bell and Doritos have combined forces to create the first nacho cheese taco shell made entirely from Doritos chi...
Applebee’s Screws Up, Toddler Gets Drunk 13 Apr 2011 | 11:29 am
Last week, Taylor Dill-Reese and her Detroit-area family went out to dinner at Applebee’s just like any other unsuspecting suburban family would on a Friday night. However, she got an unexpected surpr...
