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Well… 2 Jun 2011 | 04:48 pm
Goodbye, turds. No, you are not turds. Well, some of you are. Wait, when I really think about it, I have dealt with an incredible amount of turds and turd-related activities on this website. To be ho...
I’m Awesome! 11 May 2011 | 03:29 pm
I just wanted to remind everyone that I’m still fucking awesome! I’m going to try to write something this week about the future of this site. Stop crying about it!
In-floor TVs! 29 Apr 2011 | 04:28 pm
So, why haven’t I been writing lately? Turns out, when you move to Hawaii, you have to sell everything you own first. And, it turns out, selling everything you own is a fucking pain in the ass that ta...
Dr. Ted Leon and his inappropriate enthusiasm for diabetes testing devices! 21 Apr 2011 | 08:13 pm
I am fairly certain Dr. Ted Leon is getting a blowjob just off camera in this commercial because nobody should ever look that happy, ever. In fact, you really shouldn’t even be making that face while ...
Cold Stone Creamery! 18 Apr 2011 | 08:30 pm
You know what I like even better than overly-complicated ice cream with tons of shit in it? Overly-complicated ice cream prepared on a dirty table. And if you could make the whole excruciating experie...
The chronicles of hypocrisy! 16 Apr 2011 | 09:00 am
I have been debating whether or not I want to give any more airtime to this woman and ultimately I decided FUCK YEAH, I want to talk more about my new friend, Charlene DeLoach over at charlenechronicl...
Mommy bloggers! 14 Apr 2011 | 11:43 am
I hate blogging. Some of you might have noticed a comment I received on my last post about Degree magical motion sensing deodorant from a blogger (and ATTORNEY!!!!!) named Charlene. The purpose of th...
Degree “MotionSense” deodorant! 7 Apr 2011 | 04:00 pm
Guess what idiots, deodorant is now so smart it knows when you are moving! You’d think technology as advanced as this would be used by the military or NASA, but instead it’s used to keep your mom’s a...
Look at me ma, I’m on the TV! 2 Apr 2011 | 12:45 am
Hey jerks, remember how I said I had a book offer and I totally blew it off? Well, that was true but also a lie. The truth is this, I have actually been working on something HUGE and I can finally tal...
Chopping my fucking finger off! 28 Mar 2011 | 04:46 pm
Awesome! So anyway, I’m cutting this piece of paper on Friday with an X-acto knife when all of a sudden I see the side of my finger sitting there on the table? I looked at it and thought “Why aren’t ...
